Two Old Guys Escaped Their Nursing Home And Went To The Largest Heavy Metal Concert In The World Instead - Daily News, 03/07/19

Two elderly men escaped their nursing home to go to a heavy metal music festival. Staff at the home in northern Germany raised the alarm after the men went missing on Friday night. After a frantic search, police found the metal-heads ‘disoriented and dazed’ at 3am in the grounds of Wacken Open Air, the world’s biggest heavy metal festival. The men refused to leave so had to be escorted back to their nursing home in a taxi with a patrol car following, reported Deutsche Welle.

‘They obviously liked the metal festival,’ said police spokeswoman Merle Neufeld. The care home quickly organized a return transport after police picked them up.’ Waken Open Air festival attracts more than 75,000 people each year. This year organisers arranged for a 7km pipeline to deliver thousands of litres of beer to avoid the need for trucks which wreck the ground and cause traffic.

Goddamn do I love every part of this move. There has to be nothing worse than getting old and being trapped in a nursing home. If I ever have kids one day and it’s getting to the point where I can’t live on my own, I’m just going to tell them to put a pillow over my face one random night and put me out of my misery. A nursing home is the final sign that your life has ended and it’s over. Your life is basically just bingo and the weekly movie night at that point. It’s all routine with no spontaneity whatsoever. No one deserves that. So what did these two gents do? They whipped up their best ‘Mission Impossible’ scheme and broke free of the prison that is their nursing home and decided to let loose. I need to see the surveillance footage of their break out. Some Prison Break/Michael Scofield real life shit I’m assuming.

So what was there destination? A bar? A soccer match (this is Germany I don’t know)? The park? Nope, they went to the biggest heavy metal concert in the world. Just two old guys being kids again, rocking out to Judas Priest and Danzig like they’re 20 years old. Just look at the kind of scene these two geezers got themselves into.

And the midst of all of this were two 80 year olds having the time of their lives. I have no idea how on Earth the nursing home pin-pointed these guys were at this festival. There’s like 75,000 people there, but I guess they did stick out like a sore thumb amongst people 50 and below. I love how they refused to go back and had to be escorted to the home. I would have pleaded to just leave me there, let me do some crazy drugs, and let me just fade off into existence.

Moral of the story: nursing homes are prisons and should not be options when you get old. Either move to Florida or just let go of life all together.