Life is overwhelming right now. My awareness has expanded so much since 2009, yet I have never felt SO confused as I do now.

Everything seems like a vivid dream...........Its overwhelming as fuck......I have NO directions to follow, yet I am filled with dreams, goals and desires. My steps are unfolding as I take them...and the cool thing is, I dont Give A FucK! But I do have responsibilities and commitments.

Lately, I have been very afraid to die young. A couple of times during meditation, I haven't been able to figure out if I'm about to have a heart-attack or if I'm about to just de-attach from my body in a "spiritual sense". I've always pulled myself out in the last moments, not daring to let go and to drift into the unknown.

I feel so much shame and guilt these days. I feel burdened. I am so confused. I don't know where half of it is coming from....... I literally see numbers like 22:22, 11:11, 10:10, 17:17, 18:18 etc and etc, like 24/7, non freakin' stop..

I don't know how to do things anymore....in a "spiritual sense". I don't know what I am experiencing. I don't know, if it's energies that are taking over my body, or if I'm just tripping...

I feel like I'm in the air.......and I have NOTHING to hold on to...

Deep, deep down in my heart....I KNOW that I urge to connect with people, to talk with people and to tell them how much love I have for all living creatures. I want a HUGE party.........with tons of suuuuper good people :(