Pardon my grammar and spelling before I start, Writing is not my specialty.. ;-)
Eight years ago.. almost til this day, i had an encounter with angels. Almost exactly eight years ago II came home from a night of hard play. Unsettled to go to sleep i started watchig a movie, of course very quietly so my parents would not wake up. All of a sudden I saw waves of creatures crawling on my bed. They were dark shadows os things i was unaware of and frankly was pretty scared. I felt heat when i touched them with my feet trying to kick things things away. I was in shock, fear, and despair. I knew not what to do so grabbed my rosary on the wall and started praying and hoping my heart out. It was my last resort because if my mother knew i was partying, she personally what probably cause mre fear on me than the shadow. ( lol )
I prayed and prayed and prayed. The rosary was the only thing i knew... I closed my eyes really really tight and squinted my face like 'Hiro' in Heroes and then felt a huge weight lift off my shoulder.
My whole room lit up. I walked to my mirrored closet and I saw all my skin covered in what i like to call 'fairy dust!" i brushed in off my arms and legs and it immediately regenerated like there was a never ending supply.. i was SO EXCITED that magic was real as i have always been told it were not and always been told to be practical, which i secretly never believed in. ( I remen=bere sitting on my window seal out of my window as a child with my dog and cat sometimes always star rig at stars and making wishes and more wishes and more wishes.. always thinking the brightest one shined that bright for specifically me.)..
As I was intrigued by the fairy dust i looked outside my window and saw a cartoon like glove hand pointing to my large rooftop bed above the garage. I swiftly and quietly went downstairs to turn of the house alarm so i can follow the pointed glove.. i rush back upstairs took out my screen, naturally walked out to the roof-bed and met my guardian Angel. Her name is Lisa. She told me i had a decision to make. I lay down on the roof-bed gazing in to the night sky and she say" You can choose to die right now and have everything you've ever dreamed of and wanted, or you can live andvgo through a series of hardships that will be very challenging."
My first and only thought was " I CAN NOT DIE, MY OTHER WOUD BE DEVASTATED. I CAN'T DIE. I CAN'T DIE. I CAN'T DIE."
All of a sudden a shower of stars, angels, fairy's, light-beams,unexplainable images drooping down before me for a while this went on.. like there were millions..Then it stopped! Like a snap of a finger. I sit up and look to the left at my wash room balcony and the door opens. It was my mother. She was carrying my almost 1 year old many sister in her arms as i guess she woke up and was crying. My mother said.. "Ashley, I saw the alarm was off, what are you doing on the roof?"
Excited and not realizing she was still in the reality my body was born in to i told her is was going to be okay. I told her the angel are hear and you never need to worry about anything because it's going tp be okay. I continued to tell her of my experience and then Lisa popped up as a fun fairy.. She actually mad this go by a lot smoother.. She was making me laugh.. she made my mom float in her chair.. and she lit up the whole house..
Little did i know while my mother wa floating in the chair she was making flight arrangements for me to go to her ex-husbands house in Texas. When my mother broke the news, Lisa flew in to my autonomically right eye and i haven't "seen" her since.
My mother's ex-husband is abusive. I was there for three weeks the forced to go to a christian rehab in arizona as they thought i had a substance problem. I left the rehab with a nice genius professor who lived in kentucky. We had a great relationship and his family was amazing but he was working on his tenure, at 37, and at the time he decided it was best not to have a live in girlfriend, so i went back home to california.
Finishing cosmetology school, i met a bad boy con man who abuse due for my credit. He told me we were getting married and three weeks later I had signed for a 20,000 motorcycle for him on which he never made a payment. Not working. i couldn't either.
My mother took away my car and my life at the bad credit decision. I honestly didn't know that human being could be so ruthless and mischievous. I did not know than humans can take advantage of their own kind and abuse and use other for selfish gain. I was hidden from this and blinded as a child and a young adult. I take responsibility for this mistake an trust me I've paid. sven years bad and no credit has just passed last month.
Again, off to texas, where i felt trapped and became a stripper to escape. I words my way back to california where i danced there as well and my goal was to get my cosmetology license and be on my feet. My apartment building neighbor raped me and i couldn't make rent that month. My mother's ex-husband flew out from texas because he was co-signed on my apartment.. threw me n the streets, befriended y rapist when it happened the night before and gave me a football player sized traveling bag with1 blanket, 1 bible, a [air of sweats and no shoes.. Ihad to ask a police officer for a dollar for the bus ride to get to my friends house in long beach.
I couldn't take it anymore and so i wrote a suicide note for my friend to give to my mother when he realized i was gone. on my way to literally jump off a bridge, my friend Dean found me in his hummer and picked me up and took me bcd rot his place and called my mother and told her it's serious and i need help.
She took me in under the circumstance that she was my medical power of attorney and so I signed as it was my only hope. From there i went to a 72 hour hold county psychiatric ward.. from there 2 weeks in the psychiatric diagnostic center at UCLA and from there 35 days at Renfrew in PA to treat my bulimia as well. after Renfrew I was in an intensive outpatient program 4 days a week 4 1/2 hours a day and even rode my bike to make my life better. and I did!
I had a consistent two years of my life with only positivity. I got my maternal family back in my life, my little sites, now 8 almost 9, is my best girl friend til this day even though we can't talk i was convince my hardships were over and i made some right decisions. and i did make good decisions...
Dean and I dated for a little over a year and i eventually grew away form him as i started blossoming in to the woman i wa meant to be. He helped me tremendously to get there. So did Bobby, the genius professor who always tried tracking me down when i was missing and kept in contact with me all the time.
I registere to go back to college. I wanted to finish my degree...
And Then I met Thomas. My twin flame. On our first dat i was literally speechless at the energy that was emitting from our attraction. I couldn't even speak then he kissed me is was like a healing kiss that "woke" me up. He efelt the same yet he was not ready. He ad a few more obstacles in his life to get through.
Thomas is a John's Hopkins Anesthesiologist who in a brutal tennis match injured his SI joint and was no longer able to practice medicine.
On our immediately following second date he asked me what i though the meaning of life was. I had no answer, he asked me if i believed in anything and of course being shoved not rehabilitation program after program i decided to keep my secret beliefs and visions to myself. (and it also left mystery for the handsome charming man to keep wondering and incentive to keep me around ;-)
Tom and I were on and off for almost exactly two years. Tom was really depressed and it hurt his 'having to be a man' head at the fact that he couldn't work and was having to live on disability. He trained his whole life to become a doctor and he did become, one of the best in fact! He was so excited when he had the motivation to get a small teaching job at a community college in bend, OR. Which he was planning to go to in Dec 2010.
The last few moths Tom was going to be in CA, Bobby died. At age 43. I flew to his funeral in KY to be there for and with his family and to celebrate his life.
Tom and I went on vacation for a week in Nov 2010 to San Francisco. we had an unforgettable time, yet when we got bad i was unsettled about him leaving. I did not want him to go, yet supported him and was excited he got the job but couldn't take it.
I couldn't control my feelings and i went over to Tom's house when he was still in CA and threw a huge fit. Threw stuff.. screaming.. i did not want him to go. He had an old friend there. His name was Ben. Ben is a criminal Ben grabbed me and To hit me accidentally. and the police were called. i was arrested for domestic violence.
That was it! Tom and I have hd our tiff's and that was the last straw.. so i got a restraining order on him. I had to win my court case of course.. and i got one on Ben as well. Double whammy.
I hired a lawyer to win my case. Tom moved to Bend, yet Ben was still in town. Turns out Ben had the hits for me.. He stalked me several times from my motors house, threw our lawn furniture in to the pool and several times i had to call the police and want in police stations as i feared to go home to my mother's house. They did nothing.
Tom comes form a very nice family. His parent are both doctors, all his brothers re ind and they all would never hurt a fly. Tom is kind, gentle, caring and compassionate.. and as well was very very lost because of his injury,which to him, is a tragedy.
Tom is gone for Two months in Bend while Ben is still obsessing here in CA.. and I get a phone call from a reporter from Bend saying "Do you KNow Thomas...., he has just been arrested for rape and 10 more counts of sexual assault on a woman in bend..." I immediately tad the repeater.. "Tom would never do that." And he ouldnt.
Tom,m after loosing me, i know he was very lost and insecure, hut he would never do such a terrible thing. If he was capable of such a thing, after all the rehab and training and life lessons i had been trough iwuld NOT let a person like that to my life without personally prosecuting them for anything i knew they were capable of.
Tom is wealthy, and i strongly believe this was the intent of the young woman. six months after the accusations, she is already filed and with a lawyer to sue my twin flame for 2 million dollars is punitive damages.
Dean, my fall back man, and second best friend next to my 8 year old sister, bough himself a dodge viper after getting ready to be a new father to a son that he has always wanted and got int to a street race in Malibu, where he was in a head on collision, and since November 2011 has been in a coma. The other people in the accident are okay, thank god.
During all this, i have agin lost contact with the family i worked so hard to get back.
It's so easy to turn and say the easy thing and let Tom fry.But Iliterally can not. I'm programmed to always follow my heart and its starting to really hurt me. Everyone that means something to has been extracted form my life.
The abusive mothers ex-husband will not eave me alone, like there is something he wants from me and the contact from him is literally making me ill. He tried exorcising me in the name of Jesus Christ over Easter weekend in texas. This is not the first exorcism attempt. I got away and got to the airport and got home and changed my phone number and everything to get at ease and he STILL got to me. I don't know what it is he wants from me.
I'm having a hard time making money. I can't get up sometimes. All I want is my twin flame here with me because he magically heals me with the slightest touch. If feel he is the only one supporting me and understanding me as he is me and i him and i can't talk to him/. I dropped the restraining order after the accusations of him and immediately have been working an doing what i could to help and do the right thing.
It is not out of guilt what i am doing. it is out of heart and what is right.
Tom and I are like Fae. We play and always ed up back. we purposely torcher each other and like it too. I was planning on contacting him after i won my court case and he me I'm sure. We would play games on google chat dy=uring the restraint and constantly t searchable things up of eahcother on the internet to make the other jealous.. It was a rush and fun and i don't regret it.. but i miss my husband.
I have lost trust in everybody. My mother constantly dumping and kicking me out of the family for things i thought were supposed to be unconditional. I have never ever in my life hurt anybody intentional except for Tom and I'm allowed to hurt him intentionally.. i on him a d he owns me. we are one together and i'm lost.. i'm so so lost and everybody is gone...
This while time away from him i del was necessary.. i've been through a he ascension.. so g\high i do not think i can ascend anymore without him.
The galactic federation puts out information confirming insight which i have already known/felt/ heard but do not know how to put in to words...
this is the only community where feel i belong..
I'm so hurt and lost without my husband i can't even leave my house. I'm taking measly survey's online for pennies to get by on rent..
I ned advice, help, inspiration..
my higher self and god has promised me i am getting my husband bad because i know inside god love's me so much he wouldn't dar shirt ke agin.
Im catatonic sometimes. I want to die.I feel there is nothing else for me and the only thing keeping me her is my two kitties.
I was in the ER 14 times last year for unexplainable pain, anxiety, headaches.. and and not one psych ward would admit me...
I went agin just last wek and the employees cheered for me like i was a walking angel...
Where do i go from here? What can i do to get by until the end of July when Tom gets back?
And to top it off my mother tells me to not hope that Tom would ever come back to me even if he won his case and I just can't take the negativity. Especially not from her. I love her unconditionally.. i chose hardships in my encounter because i didn't want her to hurt and now i'm hurt..
Angel with broke wings.. :EL
I have had random stranger bark at me as i walk to the market in a nice neighborhood. I had a random psych patient with a bright red face feel me i'm satan... I had people chase me and nobody to catch me recently.
Does anybody else relate? Can i relate to anybody on this planet?
I scream and scream and scream constantly that i want to go home.. i want to go home!!!
And I'm mad. I'm mad that i had to go through all this. The first time before all the work to get better it ws my fault for bad decisions..
3 boyfriends almost dead, people barking at me.. exorcising me...taking from me..taking me! Is NOT my fault and I can not fight lane anymore. please help.