WOW!!!!! What an awesome amount of responses, I've never had this kind of response to any thing I've written, I love it. I do love my family but I can't really say I like their choices. I don't lie for them and actually am estranged from my brother ( his choice not mine ) we didn't have a fight or anything, no bad feelings on my part and he has never said why he quit talking to me. I figure maybe I see him a little more then he wants any one to see him. I am trying to build a relationship with my sister but I'm not forcing it, the Lord will guide us as he will. I look at it this way, she is organized religion and i am taught by the Lord. Kinda of like she is a joiner and sees her way as the only way and I am much more tolerant of peoples right to choose how and when or who to believe in. I love them and I'm the type of person that has no problem agreeing to disagree. I don't know my brother anymore, my sister is always trying to compete with me ( I'm not competitive at all ). I frustrate her because I don't join groups, go to church anymore anyway, and because I'm just me, nothing special so I don't need to brag. My heart breaks for them because they don't feel good enough and I know they were born good enough and just believed all the lies about themselves growing up.
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I am so sorry for you, I don't pity you I have lived that pain. I hope you have found a measure of peace and will pray for the Lord to restore you and your children. Whom ever we believe in is were we go for answers and comfort, for strength when life kicks our bums, I pray you have someone ( higher power ) to help you through your pain. I'm glad you have your twins it sounds like you need each other, love each other and find joy in each other. I can imagine the pain in the voice in your head as you wrote this, I hope you went and hugged your kids after writing this painful blog. Thank you for sharing such painful memories. God's Blessings on you and your family.
Mostly this post is just me pondering on human nature. Wondering out loud why people feel different feelings. Knowledge sets us free, some times anyway. If we look beyond ourselves then we begin to look closer at ourselves. It is human nature to compare our self to those we interact with. It's part of what make up our ego. It makes us strive to be better ( okay some people to try to be better ). All I have for a reference is my life and the ones I interact with, so pondering in this site gives me a broader knowledge. With the feed back I get from others here gives me more answers, their opinion matters as does mine. So in short basically I was just thinkin' out loud.
I dont talk to any of my earth family (except my bro) and even that is strained at the best of times lol
they just dont understand me, or the whole purpose of existence, they've put me down, put me last
i love them dearly, but ive learnt to let THEM GO... accept them and let it be, and send them love,
one thing from all this is learn the lesson THEY teach you; my earth family taught me some valuable lessons and i could never have learnt them had i come from a well to do family .<3