There are so many theories about 2012.  I have investigated many of them, sometimes I feel as though I have always had this number looming up at me.  And the question always remains…What If?  What if the world falls into chaos and WW3?  What if our celestial family comes forth for disclosure?  What if nothing happens and we all live our lives the way we are now? 

I’ve always been a bit of an odd duck.  I was “gifted” as a child and put in a special class, but it really didn’t help my life.  I never used my gifts for much, I didn’t even finish school and had to upgrade as an adult.  I made bad choices that I am still paying for.  I’ve had paranormal experiences that scared me when I was young, so I cut that part of myself away… and now I find myself trying to find the pieces and put them back. 

I truly feel one of my purposes in life is to find the signs of the divine force we call God and bring him/her out into the open to be shared and loved.  I do this by researching and finding parallels in information and collating what I’ve learned.  I use my higher reason to figure things out and trust my instincts only as far as they are not influenced by my weaker ego.  We all do this, it is why we are here, I believe, at this site. 

We are all different stripes of Lightworker.  Some of us are system busters, some of us are bridge builders, some of us carry the Light codes, and some of us are natural healers… I could go on, but you know what I mean.  We each have a role to play in these times of change.  And if there is one thing I have learned in my research it is that there IS a God, and he/she has a Plan. 

We get in these circular debates, back and forth about channelings, the Dark Cabal, 2012… we seem to debate a lot about things we don’t even have proof exists, lol.  This is good, it creates synergy around certain ideas that allow them coalesce into this reality.  I think perhaps that is why so many discarnate entities are channeling now with humans, they are trying to merge their realities into ours and giving us a vision of possibilities.  It doesn’t mean that they are right, it means they are trying influence what we believe, which may result in an expanded reality matrix. 

I was struck last night by an idea that I just couldn’t shake.  What if this is all an illusion, what if we’ve been lied to and nothing will change by 2013?  I was watching the news and it was sooo shallow and insincere, it makes me sad to even think about how closed off society has become.  If you really think about society and it’s thoughtforms it really just seems overwhelming to think of it changing…I imagine this behemoth of rage, greed, fear and selfishness rampaging through the streets, the embodiment of all our insecurities and sins brought to life. 

In order for true change to manifest itself and the higher concepts of service for others rather than service for self to emerge the entire system has to be remodeled.  The old matrix of male domination has to go, we’ve been out of balance for eons and this is the result.  Without the Sacred Feminine mankind has lost its inner conscience, its standing one leg and about to fall over. 

How is this going to happen?  That is the question that lurks in my mind when I am living my “regular” life, taking care of my children and going to work.  And how can I bring the needed change to our world?  I come here, like many of you, looking for answers. 

I can tell you for certain that Theosophy has helped me immensely in understanding this world.  It always irks me that so much focus is put on the GFL  and the Dark Cabal and all these theories that have one missing ingredient in them all.  The fact that God and the Hierarchy of Light exists. 

I mean, really?  Do you really think that there is no plan for us?  That we aren’t on a trajectory of evolution and soul growth?  Theosophy was not chosen, it is something that resonates so deeply with me that I don’t feel as though I am learning about it, I feel as though I am remembering it. 

The thing is, though, is that Theosophy doesn’t acknowledge 2012.  Certainly they mention our Galactic Family but they do not emphasize them overly and the message is clear that the Galactics will not interfere with humanity.  The theme in Theosophy is self actualization and the bringing down of the Soul into the physical body.  Sounds a bit like ascension, doesn’t it? 

Theosophists are taught about the Externalization of the Spiritual Hierarchy.  The angels (devas) have a separate but parallel existence with us humans, and they are evolving apace with us… and those of us who have evolved beyond human flesh, the ones we call Ascended Masters are scheduled to incarnate themselves on this planet… the return of Buddha, of Jesus the Christ… east meets west… male merges with female to end duality… do you see the parallel themes going on? 

But the thing that I could not erase from my mind yesterday, was the immensity of the change needed.  Yes, it’s all fine and easy for someone like me, who is polarized to the Light to talk about overcoming duality and merging with my other self to create a Nova being, a Light body or a Merkaba.  I am not perfect by any means but I believe that the attempt is 90% of the result, if you know what I mean.  However, no one I know cares about the soul.  The people in my world, in my city and at my job think only of their families, and financial success, self esteem through possessions or control… they think about parties and sexual gratification, and having nice clothes and an expensive car… THESE are the things that are important to them.  I don’t want to be in judgement, Lord knows I’m no saint, but I really have a hard time seeing change happen in the world when the people around me cannot raise their heads high enough to see God or even Light and Love around them.   The media has twisted people into caricatures of greed and want. 

IS this what it means to be in the end of the Kali Yuga?  I mean, people are still nice, I don’t think many would consider themselves Godless or selfish, but they are blind to their own predicament.  Imean, seriously look at the economy, isn’t it crashing because our society loves credit over hard earned money?  Is that a good value to possess?  If people were to treat themselves as a garden and plant only the thoughtforms that are helpful and healthy, we would be a much different society…

So, what I am saying in a roundabout way, is that I am losing faith in 2012.  Not in our Hierarchy, but who knows when they are coming, I don’t think there are clocks in heaven, lol.  I am losing faith in the idea that our bloated hot mess of a global society will make changes by 2013.  I know all the theories, and I adhere to a few of them… but I just can’t see a way out of our predicament without complete and utter destruction… I thought the Sacred Feminine would bring balance and usher in the Unity Wave… and I certainly feel ascension coming over me… but more often, perhaps as I raise my vibration, I feel less sure about the rest of the world, even my family.  How are you going to change the minds of billions of people into believing in something like LOVE?

The signs are all around, the Solar Logos is making himself known, the earthquakes, the energy crisis, the economy meltdown, the weather anomalies… definitely something will happen, but I am infected with the disease of Low Expectation that our brothers and sisters out there will get uplifted and I will face the next fifty years with the people of this planet who do not share my values.  Sigh.  And I thought I was lonely growing up, it’s going to be utter hell if I am forced to live here in this decadence/desolation for the rest of my life, knowing that the Hierarchy exists but having them unable to change this world because the Free Will Clause forbids them… and humans, being what they are… will blithely go about being greedy and selfish. 

So, what I am sincerely asking of you, dear reader … is to give me a bit of HOPE that we can make it.  That 2012 isn’t going to be a loooong drawn out process of decades of snail like growth and change.  Give me a reason to wake up on Jan 1, 2013, with my heart aflame for the new tomorrow.  Because the way it sits now, it is going to be painful and slow… and I am losing faith in my fellow humans.