Christmas is over. Yippee. Not that I do not like Christmas its that I do not respond well to it. Let me explain. Over the last couple of years I have noticed that I get really agitated during the holiday season. I never understood why. I used to think it was the hustle and bustle. The holiday season is stacked with birthdays, Christmas parties, shopping, baking and the actual holiday including big meals.
This year I thought might be different. I decided to eliminate some of the stress. I almost did not even decorate for the holidays. However, at the last minute I decorated my house for a little diner party with Christmas decorations to be in the spirit of the season. Almost immediately I was angry. I thought it was the stress of hosting a diner party on the fly. As the decorations hung with joy, I noticed my heart was not filled with joy. I asked myself why do I not feel joy? Why all the tension in my home? All year my heart has been full of joy, why now?
As the week progressed my anxiety progressed, tensions building minute by minute with bursts of explosive energy. This is not like me so I tried to look inside. Was it the stormy weather? Was it the large meals? Was it the Sugar? Was it the company? Just what was causing this anger and madness?
This energy inside was building and building and I could not shake it, depression started to set in.
Finally relief came. I was watching a David Ike film called The Freedom Road and he mentioned changing the environment to change the attitude. The film also talks about the symbolism behind many of the decorations. Immediately after watching the movie we started to take down the decorations. As soon as we removed the tree and all the red we felt better.
Red is an angry color to begin with, why would they chose red for such a joyful time. Red usually is associated with emotions of violence and warfare. Strong sense of anger. I am told:
The Color Red:The first color of Christmas, symbolizing that Savior's sacrifice for all.
Back to my original story. I am not sure why the decorations effected me so. It is not the over commercialism of the holiday because we did not include gift giving. The focus this year was the spirit of the holiday. I enjoyed making candy with my mother and I enjoyed seeing all the friends and relatives. I also enjoy the coming new year and the birth of our sun.
Has anyone else experienced this anger this year?