CHAPTER 26

                                                                                                                         THE EGO


Those of you who listened with mystical patience to the ARCANE of the mysterious night, those of you who have understood the enigma that hides in every heart, the sound of a distant car, a vague echo, a slight sound lost in the distance ... listen to me.


In moments of profound silence, when forgotten things emerge from the depths of memory, times gone by, in the hour of the dead, in the hour of rest, you will know how to study in depth this chapter not only with your mind but also with the heart.


As in a golden cup I pour in these lines my pains from distant memories and dire misfortunes, sad nostalgia of my soul drunk of flowers, mourning of my sad heart of holidays.


More! What do I mean! ... Soul of mine! Do you regret so many yesterdays with vain complaints?


You can still hold the fragrant rose and the lily, and there are myrtles for your aching gray head.


The soul full of vain memories, cruel immolates what makes the EGO happy, like Zingua, queen of Angola, lubricious black.


You have enjoyed horrible bacchanalia, foolish pleasures in the worldly bustle and now, woe to you! You hear the terrible imprecation of Ecclesiastes.


Alas for you! ... poor EGO! The moment of passion enchants you; but look how Ash Wednesday arrives; MEMENTO, HOMO.


For this reason, towards the mountain of INITIATION, the select Souls go and explain themselves Anacreonte and Omar Kayan.


The old time all gnaws relentlessly and goes fast; know how to beat him, Cynthia, Chloe and Cidalisa.


In the absence of EGO and beyond time I experienced THAT which is the REAL, that element that radically transforms.


To experience the real beyond the mind! ... to experience in a direct way that which is not of time ... it is certainly something impossible to describe in words.


And I was in that state known in the eastern world as NIRVI-KALPA-SAMADHI; Being an INDIVIDUAL I had passed beyond all INDIVIDUALITY, for an instant I felt that the drop was lost in the ocean that has no shores, an indescribable sea of light ... bottomless abyss ... BUDDHIST void full of glory and happiness.


How to define the ILLUMINATING VACUUM?. How to describe what is beyond time?


The SAMADHI became too deep ... the absolute absence of the EGO. The total loss of INDIVIDUALITY, the increasingly radical IMPERSONALIZATION, caused me fear.


YES ... fear! ... I was afraid of losing what I am, my own particularity, my human affections ... how terrible is the BUDDHIST annihilation!


And full of terror and even dread, I lost my ecstasy, I entered into the time, I got bottled up in the ego, I fell into the mind.


So! Oh me! ... Oh! Oh! It was then that I understood the EGO's practical joke; this was the one who suffered, feared for his own life, cried out.


SATAN, my BELOVED EGO, had made me lose SAMADHI; How horrible! If I had known before...


 So, when I went through this mystical experience, I was still very young and she, (the night, the firmament), was called URANIA.


Ah! Crazy youth that plays with worldly things and that in every woman sees a Greek Nymph, even if this is a red Courtesan.


Long time already! Even more, I see orange blossoms in the green orange trees impregnated with aromas or in the old frigates that come from distant seas, or in the Icaco, or dense mangroves; or you, adored face at that time, appear as first sorrows and first loves.


And I understood that I needed to DISSOLVE THE EGO, reduce it to dust, to have the right to ECSTASY.


Then, MY GOD! ... I met so many yesterdays; in truth the EGO is a book of many volumes.


How difficult the DISSOLUTION OF THE EGO was for me, but I succeeded. Fleeing from evil many times I entered evil and cried.


Why vile envies and lusts, when their reptilian pale fury twists?


Why the fatal hatreds of the ungrateful? Why the livid gestures of the many Pilate?


In the depths of the most chaste men lives the Biblical ADAM, drunk with carnal passion, savoring with delight the forbidden fruit; it still resurfaces in the work of Fidias Friné nude.


And I cried out to heaven saying: To the Faun in me, give him science, that wisdom, which makes the Angel's wings tremble; by prayer and penance, allow me to put the bad devils to flight; Lord, give me other eyes, not those that enjoy looking at snow roundness and red lips; give me another mouth in which the fiery coals of the ascetic remain forever imprinted, and not this mouth of ADAM in which wines and mad kisses infinitely increase and multiply beast gluttons; give me disciplining and penitent hands that leave my back bloody and not these lubric hands of a lover that caress the fruit of sin; Give me innocent Christic blood and it  not this one that makes my veins burn, vibrate the nerves and creak the bones, I want to be free of evil and deceit, die in myself and feel a loving hand that pushes me to the cave that always welcomes the hermit.


And working hard, my brothers and sisters, I came to the Kingdom of Death on the path of love.


Ah! ... if those who seek ILLUMINATION truly understood that the soul is bottled up in the Ego ...


Ah! ... if those would destroy the Ego, if they would reduce the dear EGO to dust, then the SOUL would be truly free ... in ecstasy ... in continuous Shamadi, so they would directly experience that which is the TRUTH.


Whoever wants to experience the REAL must eliminate the SUBJECTIVE ELEMENTS of perceptions.


It is URGENT to know that such ELEMENTS constitute the various entities that make up the EGO.


Within each of these elements the Soul sleeps deeply. How Painful!


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