Ashtar Command - Spiritual Community Network

As I look back on my life now from 2005, I never would have thought I’d be doing soul retrievals at the age of 62. Shoot, when I was a kid I figured out how old I’d be when it turned 2000, which was 60 and didn’t think I’d make it because the adult life span was somewhere around 60 years. My life was not easy as I suffered/stuck out a 28 year marriage with 28 years of physical, mental and emotional abuse.

Why didn’t I leave? Back then, 1959, wife beating wasn’t the common headline that it is these days. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. I’d been brought up with the idea of ‘what will people say’. Because I kept it internalized I suffered from agoraphobia for many years. The dictionary defines it as a fear of open spaces. That doesn’t begin to tell about it. Needless to say, it got pretty bad. I couldn’t go anyplace unless accompanied by someone and then the panic attacks were still almost uncontrollable. Gradually, over the years, I met the fears and embraced them and started to get better. These days it’s called ‘social panic disorder’ among other names.

In 1987 my husband died. He really didn’t have a chance because of genetics. He was 51 when he passed over. His father died at age 48 and his mother at age 45, both with ‘bad hearts’. My husband did suffer for 13 years with a heart attack, stroke, seizures, diabetes and other associated diseases. The last year of his life I rushed him to the hospital 4 times because of congestive heart failure. The last time he walked in on his feet and 10 minutes later he was gone.

Then I was free, free to live my life. Oh I grieved and wondered at the time why I was grieving, but it is a natural thing to do and I was glad for it. I felt it showed to myself that there was love there at one time. But now that I was free, I didn’t know what to do. I had been interested in the Native American culture for awhile so I decided to learn all I could. And what I learned created such a rage in me regarding what the white man has done to all native people in all lands.

I set out to atone for all white men, but found that it’s a difficult, nearly impossible process. No one wanted to know or seemed to care. Nevertheless, I moved to Flagstaff, Arizona where I would be among native people and close to several reservations. This lasted a year and a half when I met someone I ‘clicked’ with and we moved to the far Northeast corner of Washington state. Evidently I had the word ‘victim’ written across my forehead because it wasn’t too long until this man beat me up worse than my husband ever had. He left and I was left to try to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

I had several years of self pity and more lessons to learn. Eventually, in November of 1999, I happened to buy three books by Bruce Moen. This was the start of a whole new life for me which continues until this day. Bruce’s books told of a place called The Monroe Institute in Faber, Virginia, where Robert Monroe came up with a process of bringing the left and right hemispheres of the brain together known as hemi-sync.

Bruce Moen wrote of taking the Gateway Voyage at The Monroe Institute (TMI) and of later taking the Lifeline program three times in which he learned to do soul retrievals of people who have passed over but don’t realize they are dead. In his first book, he tells of retrieving several people at the Oklahoma City bombing site. I was hooked. In one moment I realized that this is my purpose in life, at least in the life I have left. I took the Gateway Voyage in September of 2000 and arranged to take Lifeline in June 2001. But I was in a hurry to start doing retrievals. So with what I had learned from my experience at my Gateway Voyage and help from Bruce Moen’s website, specifically the Conversation Board, I started attempting to do retrievals in February 2001.

I say attempting because once I’d decided to try, I lost any self confidence I might have had and was so afraid I wouldn’t ‘see’ anything that I almost backed out. Then I decided I might as well try. So I put on my headphones and turned on the hemi-sync tape. When I got to the proper ‘focus’ level, I asked for a Helper to take me to someone who needed to be retrieved. Of course all this was said in my mind. Immediately I was walking down a hospital corridor and looked in a room and saw a man looking at x-rays. I ‘felt’ he was dead and didn’t know it. So I asked him what he was doing and he said he was trying to find out what was wrong with him. I asked his name and he said Emory. I also asked what year it was and he said 1953. Then I told him that I had a doctor with me (the Helper who I felt was behind my right shoulder) who would tell him what he needed to know and to take him where he needed to go. With that a doctor walked over to him and off they went. I had no emotion whatsoever. I didn’t use imagination or visualization. The whole scene played out in front of me with no help from me. I thought no, that was just too easy. It’s all in my mind. I made that up.

So I decided to post the so-called retrieval on Bruce’s board and see what he said. Well, to my amazement he said it was a classic textbook retrieval. He also said I should follow them next time to see where the Helper took him. I couldn’t believe it, even though he said so. So I wrote to my friend Gordon and he confirmed it too.

I had found since then that beliefs are the hardest thing for a person to give up. We all have belief systems that we’ve been accumulating since the day we were born. It took a few months for me to be rid of the belief that these retrievals weren’t real.

About a week later I decided to try again. Sometimes it’s hard to stop the mind and nothing seemed to be happening, so I decided to just sort of float. Then I asked for a Helper and then saw a man a few feet away from me and it looked like he was playing to an audience. His hat was in his hand and he was waving it and he said something like “that’s it for now folks, or that’s my contribution” or something similar. So I wondered if he was dead. I asked his name and he said Livingston or the Great Livingston. I asked the year and he said 1923 and when asked where we were, he said New Orleans. Now all this time my mind is saying “I KNOW I’m making this up.” I just knew it couldn’t be. So I decided to finish and told him that this Helper would take him where he was supposed to go and to my surprise he smiled and said “Okay”. I remembered Bruce saying I could follow along so I did and when we were flying above the Park, I thought no, I’ve imagined this so many times from Bruce’s books that there’s just no way it can be real. We landed and some people came over and he was doing his act for them and everyone was laughing. I shook my head in wonder. Is my mind making all this up or could it possibly be for real. Whatever it was, I was really hooked. This was fun and if it was real, I was doing a service for people who didn’t know they were dead. Dead – what a word. If all this were real, then there really is no death, only wearing out of the body we’re in.

My daughter was working for a man whose son had taken a rifle and put it to his head and pulled the trigger. I had been thinking of him for quite awhile, thinking that if this is all real, I should try to go and get him. So one day I asked for a Helper to take me to Jeff. Almost right away I was in front of a man kneeling and huddled in a dark place. I knelt down and tried to talk to him but I couldn’t get any response out of him. So I left.

The next day I went back and the Helper took me right to Jeff again. I told him who I was and that he knew me and my daughter, Teri. I told him he needed to come with me to be healed. It took quite a bit of talking to persuade him but finally he got up and seemed to be not quite so cloudy. I explained to him that suicide didn’t kill the soul and that he lives forever. He looked puzzled but came with me. We took him to the Health and Rejuvenation Center. The last I saw of him he was in bed and everything looked very white and clean.

A few days later I again asked to be taken to someone needing to be retrieved. Then I was in an office building and saw lots of desks and lots of files and paperwork. There was a huge pile of folders on a desk close to me. Then I saw a woman (white, I think) saying she had to finish her work because it just keeps piling up. I kept looking around for someone dead. Then I thought since I didn’t see anyone else, it might be the woman. I asked her what her name was and she said Cathy Grant. That sounded like a made up name – I must have made it up. She said she had to get her work done but the pile of folders never went down. I asked her where we were and she said Bangladesh. Well, right then I knew I was imagining it. For one thing, a white woman in Bangladesh with the name of Cathy Grant just seemed too far out. I asked her why she had to get the work done and she told me to look around. As I did, I saw that unlike before, there was massive damage from what must have been an earthquake. I asked her what year it was. When she said 2014 I knew I was making it up. Then the voice on the tape called me back.

The next day I asked to be taken back to her and then I was there. She was still trying to put the paperwork away. I told her that she was not doing any more paperwork because she was through and I was taking her someplace. When we got to the Reception Center, I felt a tap on my shoulder, turned around and there was Kenny. My mouth dropped open and I clicked out and came back just as Kenny was saying goodbye and we’ll meet again.

I came back to physical consciousness and was overwhelmed. Kenny was a man I had worked for for four months. He was a quadrapelegic and had died about two years before. I had thought a lot about trying to find him sometime but here Kenny found me.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn’t have made that up. I mean, he tapped me on the shoulder. I think then I finally started to believe that these retrievals were real. And Kenny was walking. At his memorial service, all his friends were saying that Kenny’s running now, and I guess he sure was.

One day I decided to see if I could go someplace and find it. So I went to the Park and ran barefoot through it first. I always seemed to do that whenever I was there. Then I found MIT which stands for Monroe Institute There. I found it and dropped down through the roof into the dining room where I know there is a huge crystal. I hugged the crystal and then thought that it sure would be nice if I could see Bob Monroe as I’d read others had. I turned around and there he was, this man who was a pioneer in developing hemi-sync and The Monroe Institute and all these wonderful programs. The emotion was too much and all I could do was hug him, sob and keep repeating ‘thank you’ over and over. He sort of patted my shoulder. I would imagine he gets a lot of this treatment from other ‘voyagers’.

The next day I decided to try another retrieval. After asking for a Helper to take me to someone needing to be retrieved, nothing happened for a long time so I just floated and enjoyed the peace. Then all of a sudden I was looking at the very blue sky through a lot of trees. I saw a shed or small building. There was a little girl under it and I felt she was dead. There was absolutely no movement or communication. While thinking of what to do, the name Mary Rose went through my mind. Then the voice on the tape said it was time to go back to C1 consciousness so I had to leave her, but knew I’d try again.

The following day I asked to be taken to Mary Rose and was immediately there. She still didn’t move at all. So I lifted her out of her body and carried her over my shoulder. We moved on and I knew the Helper was to my Right but couldn’t see it/her/her at all. Leaving Focus 23 I saw a hand reach up so I grabbed it but whoever it was dropped off somewhere over the Belief System Territories. The Belief System Territories are the areas where souls go when they have such a strong belief that they resonate with others with the same belief – like attracts like.

When we were above the Park, I saw the place to take Mary Rose. There were lots of children playing and a very large building for those who need care from the trauma of their deaths. We landed and I saw her mother come running to her and pick her up. By then Mary Rose was more aware and asked me if I was an angel. I told her I was a friend who brought her there and that I’d come back to see her again. I asked her mother where they had lived, and I thought she said Montrose, Vermont. Then it was time to go. I checked my road atlas but couldn’t find Montrose, Vermont.

By now I had finally begun to really believe that these retrievals were real. Almost. Of course doubts always pop up, but not as frequently as before. Sometimes I would post retrievals on the Conversation Board as people’s comments always seemed to help me to believe more. And of course I always send the retrievals to Gordon who confirms every single one of them.

I’ve just come to realize recently that Gordon was placed in my path for a specific purpose and I believe that purpose is to help me learn as much as I can about so many things metaphysical – retrievals, exploring, healing, past life regressions and probably much more. Sometimes I think he sends me silent messages and I pick up on them.

The next retrieval was kind of interesting to me. The Helpers always take us to people they feel that we can help for one reason or another. This time I was in an ancient stone-type building. There was an old lady laying on a stone bed or platform. She just laid there, no movement at all. I started talking to her and told her I was going to stay until she responded to me. I just kept talking to her and telling her I could help her. Finally she said, “what do you want?” I told her I was going to take her to where there were people like her, her friends and all would be well. I got the impression that she was a ‘witch’ and had been killed for her activities. I told her that they don’t kill people they think are witches anymore. I also told her that what I do and was doing right then could be considered by some to be ‘witchcraft.’ That made her smile and she said she’d come with me. I had a Helper on my right but couldn’t see him/her as usual. I grabbed her hand and then decided to put my arm around her and hold tight because I felt I might just lose her over the Belief System Territories. Above the Park I looked down and saw a group of women that I knew were ‘just like her.’ I asked her where we’d been and got the impression of England or the British Isles. Also the year was 1240. She landed and they greeted her like old friends.

I didn’t always succeed in finding someone. Once I saw a piñata all by itself and once I was in a huge round room with seats with the Senate, Congress or the United Nations, but nothing happened. One time I heard a boy’s voice say ‘please help me find my dad’ but I couldn’t see or feel a thing. Then there was the time I ended up at a carnival. I saw a man running around and running through people trying to scare them. I asked him what he was doing and he said, “you must be dead too because you can see me.” I told him no, that I was non-physical at the moment and was there to take him to a better place. And he proceeded to tell me “no. I’m doing what I want to do”. And then he ran off. I perceived the place as Indiana and the year as present (2001).

Another time I found myself in a subway in New York. I was in some out of the way place where street people sleep. I saw a little girl superimposed over bones. I tried talking with her with no results. There were other ‘dead’ people there too just watching. I couldn’t get through to her at all so I just pulled her up and held her tightly. There was a woman there who I understood to be the mother. I asked what happened to her and ‘saw’ the most horrible death a little girl can have. She was raped and brutally murdered. Her mother had been trying for years to get her. I asked the Helper to take us to the Reception Center. I held the mother’s hand and held tightly to the girl, whose name I got as Mary Margaret Humphrey and the year 1932. When we got to the Health & Rejuvenation Center, I didn’t want to let go of her. They had to pry her out of my arms. By that time I was sobbing and then I realized she was me from a previous life. I came back down to C1 consciousness almost immediately. But the emotion was gone. I don’t know how to describe the feelings I had. I had read that we sometimes retrieved ourselves from previous lives and sometimes parts of ourself that we have spun off during difficult times in the past. I was so happy to have found her and brought her to the Light. I knew intuitively that this retrieval was good for me, now in this lifetime.

I decided to go back to the carnival and see what I could do with the man that was running around trying to scare people. Well I found him and he told me his name was John. I decided to play along with him so started running with him through people and trying to scare them. I still didn’t know how to get him to come with me. Then I remembered reading about someone visiting the Humor Center. So I told him I could take him there where he would learn all kinds of new jokes and tricks and that afterwards he could come back if he liked. So he agreed. I took his hand and off we went. The last I saw of him the Helper was taking him into the Humor Center and he looked happy as can be.

Talk about doubts creeping in again. This next one really had me wondering. This time I was in the Coliseum in Rome. There were about 50 ‘dead’ people there, men, women and children, all waiting to be taken to God. They had been killed by the lions. I thought, now wait a minute, this is just too far out to be real. The retrieval from the future was pretty far out too, but the movie “The Gladiator” had just come out, but I hadn’t seen it. So I decided to go along with it, just in case it’s real. I asked them why they’d been waiting so long. One of them, who appeared to be a spokesman, said that it wasn’t long. They had just been killed. I then remembered that there is ‘no time’ in the afterlife so they would feel like it had just happened. So I asked in my mind for a bus that looked like a chariot and here it came, just as I’d asked. They all got on and off we went with me driving and the Helper leading the way. As we came into the Park area, I could see many more people dressed the way these people were who were there to greet them. As always, Gordon confirmed it for me and told me to stop doubting and have faith in myself.

In Robert Monroe’s books, he referred to his soul group as his I-There. Bruce Moen refers to them as a Disk. They are each and everyone connected to a person by means of a filament of awareness. The next paragraph introduced me to some of my Disk/I-There.

The next time I laid down to listen to a tape I found myself sitting on a bench in the Park. My Guide was to my right and just behind my shoulder (same as the Helper). I got the impression I was to go to my place that I’d created so off I went. Most people who do this retrieval work create a place for themselves where they can just go and relax. Since it’s so easy to create with thoughts, I had made myself a treehouse just like the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse at Disneyland. When I got there, there were several people sitting in a circle under my treehouse. I sat down with them and never asked a thing. I didn’t even think to ask anything. I got the feeling that these were members of my Disk/I-There. Then I got the feeling that I’m to leave retrievals alone for awhile and concentrate on learning other things which will help me open up and perceive better. There was no feelings of emotion at being with members of my Disk/I-There.

The next time I set out to do a retrieval, I found myself kneeling down on the ground over a grave/place in the ground and there were several boys kneeling down too. Something slid back and I could see a boy laying in there. I realized the boys kneeling were from the past and had put the boy in there to die and had watched him until they closed the opening. The boy came out and seemed happy to see me – he was smiling. I asked his name and he said Alan and I felt the year was 1902. I felt huge old buildings around. He and the boys I’d seen were wearing clothes that looked like they were from a boy’s school of that period. I asked where we were and he said Glastonbury, England.

The next retrieval really threw me for awhile. I was in a jungle setting with a river full of crocodiles. I found a little boy wandering around. I tried talking to him but he couldn’t understand me. He was smiling and seemed happy. I KNEW he had died and had been eaten by a crocodile. I asked in my mind where we were, the date, etc., but got absolutely nothing, but then Amazon sort of popped into my head. I picked him up and off we went, but landed in another jungle setting. I thought this was very strange. Then people came running to us and greeting him and led him off. And he was very happy to see them. Then I realized we were in F27 but an F27 he would recognize, not the place we normally go with the Park and Reception Center. I think this was chosen by the Helper to show me there are all kinds of situations and all kinds of places in F27 for all life styles and cultures.

A few days later I asked for a Helper to help with a retrieval. Felt a lot of energy in hands with crystals I always hold, one in each hand. It felt like I was floating. I saw a man on a steep mountainside trying to climb up. It looked like all dirt, not rocks,etc. I floated over and told him I could take him up with me. He just looked at me and laughed. He said he had climbed almost all the way before and had fallen way down to the bottom and since he didn’t get hurt, he was going to continue on his own until he made it. I looked down and saw it was a long ways down, then asked him how he kept from getting hurt. He said he didn’t know, but knew he wasn’t hurt because he had climbed back up this far. So I told him he had been hurt, in fact he had been killed and I was there to help him to the top. He looked doubtful but was taken by surprise and took my hand and up we went. A Helper was there and I told him to look at the Light. He did and his mouth dropped open and he said “mother”. The Helper left with him.

I thought that was so easy and fast that I’ll try for another one, so I asked for a Helper again and here came the same one. I don’t know exactly how I knew he was the same one, but he was. I asked to please go to the BST and the next thing I knew I was kneeling down by a man who was absolutely filthy, had filthy blankets on him and there were others laying on the ground as filthy as he was. The surrounding area was extremely dirty and rundown. I asked him if he knew where he was and he said yes and for me to leave him alone. I told him I could take him someplace where it would be different and he would be clean and he told me no, that he wasn’t worthy of it. He said that when he died, he knew he couldn’t go to heaven and that was why he was there and again that he wasn’t worthy. So I told him that everybody is worthy to go where I wanted to take him and
that if, after going, he still felt unworthy, he could come back. Finally he said okay but was not too happy about it and the Helper took one hand and I took the other. When he saw the Light, he said no, I can’t, look how filthy I am. I told him to look at himself and see that he was now clean. He did and starting crying. He went with the Helper and the last I saw there were several people greeting him. I didn't know that it was a matter of asking to go to the Belief System Territories or I'd have tried long ago to do a retrieval there.

An add on from this year:
A couple of weeks ago I went to Haiti to see what I could do. I went directly to the mass graves that I had seen on TV. I hovered above them and then 'saw the dirt and rubble not there' as Bruce Moen teaches. I started to call out to all I saw and told them to come to me. As I said this, I saw something in the sky which turned out to be a stairway going up into a huge bright light. As they kept coming, I saw that there were more and more Stairways to Heaven popping up and I noticed that the people didn't climb, they glided up.

I left there and went above the streets where there were bodies and did the same thing. Then I came back to C1.
LoveLight, Marilyn

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