'More Fun With God' is a free e-book. It is a True Love Story about awakening, Heaven on Earth, God and, most importantly, Human Beings. I will be sharing it with you bit by bit, as blogposts, here. It isn't actually finished yet - in fact I doubt it ever will be, I will just keep writing it: I don't like finishing things. Anyway I hope you like it ~
More Fun With God
1. First Contact
I have learnt that we are all still evolving. This story is my evolution, which of course is still happening, just like yours. Throughout my life I have had a constant companion. He is a living person who has helped many people find inner peace. My story is told mostly through emails, songs and poems I sent to him, except for this bit:
At a large event on Sunday 22nd July 2007 I spoke to him in person. This is roughly what I said:
"My childhood was very hard, but somehow I always knew you were there for me. Though I didn't know what you looked like, or your name, or where you were. I knew you were somewhere on the planet and you were with me in spirit and I could feel your love supporting me.
I was 21 when I first saw you; it was here in this very hall in 1983. As soon as I set eyes on you I knew it was you, you were the one who had always been there.
Often I have heard you say 'Life is a journey. Sometimes you will go through valleys of sadness, but just wait a while and you will be on the hills of joy; but if the scenery isn't moving then you're stuck'. For years I have been stuck and I couldn't see how to move, but now I am moving forwards.
If I had the chance to travel back in time and be with Jesus or Buddha or Krishna or Rama, I would rather live in this time with you, because you are my beloved and you are the best and I love you!
I hope one day when I'm old and wrinkly, I will be standing in front of you saying, "This life has been a blast - thank you!"
Your magnificence exceeds words; you have taught me so much about how to love and trust and hope.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
Then he said "You don't have to compare me to other Masters, move forward with confidence, move forward with confidence."
This is the story of me moving forwards:
I got home and I found I had so much more to say to him. So I put his photograph on the settee next to me and I talked and talked and talked. It was as though a dam had broken and all of a sudden I could really say what I felt without being shy. This went on all evening and into the night and in the early hours of the next day I wrote to him:
Monday 23rd July 2007
Hello again! I am the person who spoke to you about being able to move forward after being stuck for so long. Thank you for listening to me and for those things that you said to me. Since then I wanted to say some other things to you, so I hope it's OK for me to write them to you like this.
The reason I was stuck for so long was that I was in pieces and had to put myself back together before I could move. This was because of what happened in my childhood when I was very young. To survive it, I had to take my trust and love and great chunks of myself and bury them in a box so deep, that even I could not reach them.
Living without all these parts of myself I always had a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. I believed that the parts of me that were hidden were gone and that the real me was very bad and evil. I felt I was pretending to be a person but had no substance underneath; I was a fake and everyone else was real.
By the time I was fourteen I was in a real mess. At this time I used to like writing songs and today I dug out one of them that I wrote about my school. I loathed school because they were trying to break my will. I didn't know my will had been broken a long time ago and I was really just trying to survive. This is the song (please excuse the ranting of a 14-year-old!) It is the last two lines that I draw your attention to:
The lost sheep
I feel old very old
But everybody says I'm young
I feel cold so cold
But everybody says I'm warm
I feel trapped in a box
And they all say I'm free
I feel scared, so scared
But everybody says I'm strong
If they'd just leave me on my own
They're always trying to change me
I can't fight them on my own
I feel lonely so lonely
But everybody says I'm fine
I feel the way's so simple
But everybody says I'm wrong
I know somewhere somebody understands the words I scream.
I feel a love that no one here has ever seen.
There YOU are! In my life 7 years before I ever even heard of you. That was you whom I was writing about and the love is your love shining through the years, shining through the darkness, through the prisons, through the impossible distance, keeping me alive when there were not many reasons to stay.
I know that when at 3 years old, I had to commit the grave and painful task of burying half of myself so that I could survive, YOU were there with my heart in your hand.
You have been there right from the beginning and brought me through an incredible journey. I am all back now and in one piece.
I once asked you: is it possible to get back your childhood if it has been taken from you? I knew I couldn't literally, but the feeling of a loving childhood, the love of a mother and father, the ease of trusting, is what I meant. I couldn't really tell if you had answered it or not, but the question has been answered, because I have got back what was taken from me.
You are more than you say you are and more than I know. When I said your magnificence exceeds words I was underestimating you. You have reached down through my life like a beam of light - bringing me through. I see nothing that could possibly stop you, even time itself seems to bow its head and let you pass.
Even though I have put myself back together (not without considerable help I might add), today I realised I am still trying to keep my real self checked and controlled. I have decided to let myself free and be the real wild untamed me. I have never done this before and I have no idea what I am going to do or say next, because I don't really know me yet, I have always kept the lid on. I don't even know if it is possible or what it will be like, but I can feel me in here getting very excited, like a horse that has been tamed and knows it is going to be free again. I may be a completely different person and I think, without all this control what if I do something wrong? And then I think, one life Jo, you've only got the one, go for it!
I hope I can get closer and closer to you. I love to see the fine details of your face, your eyelashes, and the light in your eyes and your smile. When you look right into my eyes everything stops and at the same time something else begins, I don't know what it is; it's like a song but it's not a song; it's like a dance but it's not a dance. It is more beautiful than any song or any dance and it's more real than anything I have ever experienced, I just can't get enough of you.
I will move forward with confidence as you suggested, into the new uncharted territory. I think it's going to take a lot of trust. I'm learning that I am actually in control of very little. Sometimes I try really hard and get nowhere and I am learning that what I need to do is stop trying, let go and let the tide take me and let the uncertainty be there without fighting it. I've got the hope and even if I don't make it, I've got the trust that I will be OK. I don't think there is anything that could stop your love from reaching me. I don't know this but I think and hope that even death is not as strong as your love. I pray and beg that I may never be separated from you, please never let me go.
I love you
With thanks and love