Life has been crazy of late. Seems that all I've been doing is holding on to the horse. He's been taking me for some ride. And I suspect I'm not the only one. . . which is why I am sharing my latest story.
I feel as though the shift in energies is bringing up all sorts of issues lately. Both personal & professional. Last march the only remaining speech pathologist (other than myself) retired, leaving only me to cover both administrative duties and a caseload of approximately 200. At the same time I was triaging my caseload, I was interviewing for the two vacant positions. And I was just reminded by my boss that I was not a supervisor. Which makes me wonder why I'm stuck doing all this administrative stuff. But I do love what I do. The only problem is the 1:15 commute each way every day. Not long after I started making it I began to notice more & more trouble meditating. Then, not long ago I read somewhere that there is a correlation between long commutes and trouble maintaining focus. Oops.
Then, my 16 year old son dropped out of school and closed himself off from the entire world except to myself and his best friend. He has disowned his father and has discarded a relationship with his older brother. The only thing that keeps him connected to us is that we don't criticize him. I offer guidance in less confrontational ways and Al-Malik has just been able to let oh so much roll off his back. But lately my little indigo has been incredibly angry and is testing our limits. When I try to talk to him, he gets furious. He has slammed my laptop to the ground, his smartphone into the wall and punched several new holes in the walls.
I have the most amazing man in my life. We were friends for 3 years before we became romantically involved, and that was almost 4 years ago. He really respects my feelings and my need for space. . . space for working with my son and space for myself. But the only problem is that my son hasn't given me time to turn around and spit. So I'm "soulfully" in need of a spiritual jump start.
It's raining right now, and that is always an energy boost. That's when I feel most connected to the Earth Mother, at least when I'm here in the flatlands. The other time I feel intimate with the Earth Mother is when I'm in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I was there the last two weekends for my oldest son's graduation from college. He graduated with a Bachelor's in Building Sciences with a concentration in green buiding design. He's headed for an internship in San Francisco with an architecture firm. After that he wants to find a job & graduate school in architecture. I hope to join him for a week before he comes home. I think I see a camping trip to Yosemite in my near future lol. Both my natural sons seem to have a lot of me in them, but one got a concentration of the good (gentleness, introspection, peace and a love of nature) and the other got a concentration of the less helpful (anger, ADHD, an anti-establishmentary outlook and bipolar.characteristics). So, I will get to recharge my batteries.
But now for my question to you. . . .
Is anyone else feeling like they are on a run-a-way horse besides me? And if so, how are you coping?
How are you finding time to keep yourself centered?
And finally, how do you step away from life drama with your 16 year old son when you're only one of two people that he will even pause to listen to?