Happy Child Guide
If you have an angry child in your home, you know how quickly life can turn sour.
You start walking on eggshells just to avoid another outburst. You keep track of every little thing you say - and that your child says - trying to determine the precise triggers…and avoid them. But the truth is, no matter what you do, or how careful you are, if you truly have an angry kid, he will keep getting angry.
Instead of feeling powerless in your own home, how about you take a different tack?
An empowering one. What if you do a little detective work? Keep a behavior log for a couple of weeks (you can get one through the author’s resource box following this article) and then sit down with your child and show him the log.
Discuss when he gets angry. What sets him off. What is he feeling. Does getting angry make him feel better or worse? Does the original problem get solved? Does he get a kick out of everyone in the family staying out of his way?
What you are doing here is taking the mystery out of the rage. As long as the whole process stays mysterious, your angry child stays on his power trip. And the rest of the family stays running in circles, miserable.
After discussing the behavior log, it’s time to start some changes. Let’s face it; anger is about attitude. And no one can change someone else’s attitude; only their own, whether they are 5 or 15. Kids need to learn that they must be responsible for their attitudes just the same as they need to be responsible for their homework and for treating people right.
Managing an attitude is a skill like any other and must be practiced to be improved. So recognize that an angry child is giving himself - and you - lots of opportunities to practice better attitude skills.
Try keeping track of outbursts on charts and make sure you keep track of good attitudes, too. That will help your angry kid see that you are noticing her positive times and not just focusing on the negative moments.
Take a hard look at the rest of your family and make sure that rage is not a regular part of your family’s diet.
For example.
what video games are your kids (or you) playing?
what about movie and TV choices?
don’t forget music, which is an amazingly powerful emotional stimulant.
You cannot expect your child to shed his anger if he is ingesting a daily diet of anger in various forms.
Anger is not cool. It’s not trendy. It doesn’t make you look tough.
Instead it’s often destructive. It destroys relationships that matter the most. It makes it harder for your child to get what she really wants. Things like respect. Honor. And being valued; not to mention, being listened to.
If rage is ruling your family, an important key is to focus on those values just mentioned. Instead of begging for the anger to stop, start intentionally looking for ways to foster respect in your home.
Give prizes for random acts of kindness and handle but don’t focus on the petty stuff. An angry 6 year old who has to stay in his room and miss out on a family board game (or whatever is fun in your family) will think twice next time his temper rears it’s ugly head.
An angry 16 year old is more difficult to influence, but the principles remain the same. Show ‘em what they’re missing out on by staying angry. That means you need to be having a good time in spite of them and their anger.
Does that make sense?
http://manageyourchild.com/blog/angry-children-when-rage-rules-your...
Replies
thanks my friend. unless you have lived through it, i don't think folks can understand how one small child can hold an entire family hostage.
at one point my son's therapist chastized me for the way i speak to him. she said i seemed to spend a massive amount of effort choosing my words so as not to set him off. i told her that at one point in his childhood it was exhausting having to monitor my words and actions so carefully. but now it just comes as second nature. she said i am not preparing him for the real world. but i disagree completely. what i told her was that if i worded my conversations with him in the least threatening way (as perceived by him) that at least he would discuss things with me. if i talk to him like his father does, he would walk off (or "spazz" as he says) and he would never hear anything - like he does with his father.
also, one of the many gifts that my child has given me is that i think i am a much better communicator and am immensely more patient than i used to be. at least i would like to think so.
as my favorite comedian, george carlin, said. . . . "don't pet the sweaty stuff and don't sweat the petty stuff."