I'm just putting this question out in the open where everyone can see it, it's not good to have private discussions, I think we all need to know the answers, even if they're not something we're looking for at the time. I'm looking to answer a certain personality trait or more like a personal boundary I continuously set up as a hindrance to allow myself to get into any kind of relationship period.
It's something I feel very strongly about and it's part of my personal "code of honour". If I ever get feelings towards someone and I know that there's a third party involved who was feelings for said person also I have to step back and back down. I don't interfere, I don't get nosy, I don't harbour any feelings of jealousy. However I still always end up having feelings for said person, and it fucking hurts like hell. Especially when the third party is a cheap rip off of myself. (No hatred or anything towards the third party, but this happened once. She looked up to me as a role model a little too much and essentially became a prettier, skinnier wanna-be clone of myself.)
Basically I feel like I've been watching every chance I've ever had at being with someone I actually had feelings for (which is downright rare) behind a sound-proof barrier. I'm just wondering where this idea ever came from. Was it part of Reikara's culture in the Haji times? I don't know. Did it have something to do with this supposed Aryan if it was even him who was the man that was harassing the children in my memory? I'm just interested in chasing the origin of this trait, even though I don't believe it's something I can exactly change. I don't like getting involved in petty dramas concerning relations, so it's just easier to step back and let the other two go for it.
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Before Aryan turned the wrong way he was a teacher at the Academy. He taught Everything, but his specialty was Achamy and Sex magick.
He was a Master, sex magick is not just about the sexual act it is about power over others. It carry great responsibility. You can use sex Magick in so many ways and combined with other kinds of magick you can increase the power of that x 10. BUT If you use it for personal gain, or to get someone to love you it lashes back at you, and corrupt your soul.
That is what happened to him. That is part of the reason I hated myself so much. Being created a weapon, what is the best way to hide something that powerful, with beauty. The pretty slip of a girl I always was hid the monster that I am. That is why I like my currant ugly body. I don't attract attention. When I first came there to hide in body form I made the mistake of taking a body close to what i look like up there. We all know the story of Helen of Troy. If you need to stay out of sight beauty is NOT something to have. Again because of me, a war. This time i was actually again given that name in this life. I found that funny.
He fell in love with one of his students, me and he was shunned from the Acadamy, bacause his obsession got so bad, it was a embarasment to the academy.
After that he went the dark way just like Falamis. Some days I hated myself so much as it always seem that I am the root of all evil. Aryan and Falamis turned evil because of me. There are so many other examples.
Rea the reason you do that, is because of what Yuman did. Experiencing something like that is very devastating. As that persons act attach a obsession to you. It is also the negative act in Sex magick.
Sex magick is a very powerful tool used in the correct way, but it is also a very destructive force. That is why casual one night stands, is a very stupid thing. As you never know what that one night stand is capable of doing, knowingly or unknowingly.
If you stick 2 planks together with different colored glue on each side. and you pull them apart, residue of both stay on both sides. Sex is sharing of energy and soul energy. If you just go at sex for the hell of it, don't be surprised if you find shadows attached to you.
This is why rape has such a large affect on the victim. The giver leaved with the victim his redidue of energy, but he also leave attached to the victim his obsession and negative passion that attache to the victim and stay with that victim for a very long time. Getting rid of that shadow obsession is very hard. You know what it was like for me to rid me of that shadow entity on 14 Feb this year. This is the reason.
Flirting is sex magick, people that seem to have people fall over their feet to please them is usually someone that know how yo use the influence bit of Sex magick very well.
But like me, I became teacher in that after Aryan left, but it needs great responsibility. You have to constantly be aware of what you do and how you do it.
I hope this help.
Sex magick in NOT a toy, it is really dangerous, as you can like Aryan make ANYONE you sex slave or toy. You can make ANYONE to what you want. It is not something I teach anymore, as it is taught in the physical. I also don't use it unless it is absolutely necessary.
It affect every relationship you have after that. As the violent way, and the shadow, messes up the relationship and make you back off. It affect ALL your relationships even those with friends and family. The violence you experienced make you back down as you do not want to use violance against others and cause them the same harm as you suffered.
Well when it's a person that actually matters to you then there might be something worth fighting about. Eh.
Hmm..... well, I dunno. The Haji culture did seem pretty... anal. But I don't know. Aryan... I wish you'd expand on that. I really don't know anything about Aryan except he did weird things to children as he went derailed, and that's because I heard it from you. What do you remember?