WHAT ABOUT DEC. 21st, 2012????
Didn't disappear. Captain Obvious, over here. : )
I came close. I had an experience. I fathomed every possibility.
The ships descended, but never landed. They hovered just above and made the trees dance, but we weren't ready. One day, perhaps.

I sensed the heaven within me, and I saw it manifest out of the corner of my eye. My old friends, the ones this human experience made me forget momentarily, came up for a closer look. I couldn't see them directly, but I was aware of the space they occupied, and I spoke to them briefly.
"So glad to see you..." 
The words trailed off after that, and I had to finish the sentence myself.
"I've missed you so much."
("So glad it's over.)
I wanted it to be over, but it wasn't. With tears streaming down my face, I was happy, and I stated my intent to surrender. I let it be known that I wanted to leave this negative place behind and ascend towards the light. I was on the edge of oblivion, and LIGHT was just begging to reveal TRUTH and tear this body to shreds to set this spirit free.
I was hoping to disappear, but alas...
---- I AM still here.
HOWEVER,
as I was pleading my case, both in my mind and out loud, my focus on the light made it possible to learn 2 very important lessons.
I thought about how I wanted to escape from the darkness of my desires....
I've grown tired of living a life that's mostly self-serving. I'm tired of wanting everything, and I'm tired of taking
taking
taking.
I'm tired of taking from life. 
I want to work to add on to life.
I felt the ONENESS that IS.
Everything I encounter is myself...it is GOD. 
I want to give LOVE to the world around me.

LESSON 1: Take less, Give more.
---------

I told myself, "Don't desire."
Look at where I AM. I AM loved. I AM provided for.
I have everything I need. I don't desire anything right now.
Desires are distractions that disguise these things from me.
The constant wanting leaves me blind to what I already have.
The truth is, I have everything I need.
I AM eternally grateful for this.
I AM happy.

LESSON 2: Live in the now. Don't desire. 
---------

I went into this experience wanting to disappear from here... 
to raise my frequency and ascend to a higher dimension, so that i could be closer to GOD. 
I was almost there. I was playing with a Rubix cube, but I couldn't manage to get the last square where it needed to be. 
I couldn't implode after all.
---I realized, however, that it may be impossible.
If GHANDI, as well as other spiritual leaders, were not able to get the chakras balanced enough to rise up, than nobody can.
It's not about wanting to leave anyway. 
It's about wanting to be exactly where you are at the moment.
Living in the now.
It is a constant test.

Sure, it would be convenient if there were a quick fix.
Do enough good deeds and expand the mind, and maybe, it is possible to get a ticket out of here.
While this may be a negative place, one in which duality and materialism distract us from what is important, this spiritual journey is about finding the strength to endure. This journey is about finding light in the darkness and letting it shine so that others may see as well.
----
There is NEVER any reason to be afraid. 
We all make it back home. We all make it back to THE SOURCE. 
LOVE won't leave us lost forever.
We must choose, however, just how long we stay away.

I'm tired of saying "NO" to GOD.

"Life's the study of dying, how to do it right." -Josh Homme