The expression of anger is, in a word, release. Period. Think of it as a pressurized valve in the body that discharges an overflow of energy. Like the release of pressure in a boiler, anger is a way to blow off steam; there is no trickle here but an explosion of charged energy that gushes out all at once, saturating everything in its path.
Some people, of course, go to great lengths to suppress their feelings and the energy is never released; yet, as unpredictable and destructive as anger can be, anger serves a useful purpose in releasing pent-up energy that might otherwise harm the body over time. It acts as a self-protective mechanism against repressed expression, where mounting pressure from frustrations and minor offenses build to the point that it only takes a slight annoyance to set-off a chain reaction. Thus, similar to the safety valve in a boiler that discharges steam before it reaches critical levels, anger is then a personal gauge of how much pressure the psyche can tolerate before it literally explodes.
On the other hand, a carefully regulated boiler need not reach critical levels if proper attention is given to the amount of steam allowed to fill the tank. While expressing anger is a healthier choice than storing it in the body, releasing anger inappropriately poses special challenges when others might be hurt by the expression. If the choice to either suppress or express anger can be seen as polar opposites, then a healthier alternative is to seek the neutral position between the two polarities. Once neutralized, anger is then stripped of its negative charge and the energy may be expressed without its formerly explosive nature.
The tolerance level of anger is then unique for every individual. This anger threshold, for instance, is largely dependent on a fragment's ability to tolerate ever increasing levels of anger. If the tank is already filled to capacity, so to speak -- perhaps from petty annoyances in the past -- there may be little room to accommodate the additional load. In such cases the anger has no place to go but out, resulting in a likely tantrum that may not seem warranted based on the magnitude of the instigation. In other words, if the capacity for tolerance is already full, a minor irritant can easily spawn an angry outburst that doesn't fit the crime.
The tolerance level can be improved if the tank is regulated to remain at minimal levels. To accomplish this, seek the neutral position between the inward and outward expressions of anger.
Controlling Anger
There is a difference, however, between neutralizing anger and controlling it. Trying to control anger actually increases the likelihood that it will spiral out of control, since control in general emanates from a place of fear, and fear itself can be a magnet for all the things you do not want to attract.
Attempting to control your anger only allows the anger to control you. We suggest an opposite approach where you place less emphasis on the need to control. Tightening your muscles, clenching your fists, and shouting fiery expletives merely makes your body heavier; it obstructs the free flow of energy. Have you ever tried to stop a stream of water? It doesn't slow the flow of the water but impels it to rush faster around your hand.
Anger seeks fluidity. Allow it to flow without impediment, and it will feel less like an uncomfortable, stopped-up energy (an effect that many complain about). It's the fear of anger -- and the ensuing attempts to control it -- that leads to those unpleasant energetic sensations that a dam is about to burst.
The Seven Levels of Anger
The seven levels of anger help you understand and gauge the intensity of your anger at any given moment. Since anger progresses through each level with expressions that move from the most ordinal to the most cardinal, knowing about the seven levels lets you track the escalation of your anger, and alerts you to potential red flags.
A common question asked by many: Is there is a difference between anger that is expressed and anger that is felt?
There is no difference. Anger that is felt is merely ordinal-level anger directed inward. It is still an expression, but in this case, an expression to the self.
Psychologists typically scale the levels of anger from mild irritation to increased tensions that peak at blind fury or rage. This is a perfectly valid observation. We use different terminology, however, and describe the levels as follows.
Activation:
Mild annoyance marks the first level of anger. Most people spend their time here when daily irritations cross their path. The term we use simply means the anger cycle has been engaged or activated. A common loop occurs at this level where a mildly annoyed person pivots back and forth between the levels of engagement and deliberation.
Deliberation:
At the second level, deliberation, thought processes analyze the reasons for being angry: facts are sorted, opinions are formed, and ramifications are sought. Mild annoyance doesn't progress beyond this point, and people who use anger as a constructive outlet for clearer communication, rarely move any farther. More on that later.
Escalation:
At this level tension mounts and emotions are ramped up. Everything that has gone before now escalates: tone of voice changes, facial gesture shows displeasure, and body language displays more aggressive posturing. Your anger boils on the surface and occasionally will show little eruptions, but much of the expression is still inward and ordinal.
Confabulation:
The fourth level is the bridge or turning point that determines if you will remain just annoyed or venture onward and become truly angry. Considerable theorizing occurs here, where objectivity is lost and rationale is often fabricated to justify the angry outburst -- a justification that may bear little resemblance to reality.
Instigation:
Level five begins the cardinal expression of anger. It's here that the "gloves come off," so to speak, and the stereotypical aspects of anger ensue. On stage and dramatic, all expressions of anger thrust outward at this level, with histrionic performances that instigate and incite further discord.
Consternation:
At this level you are on the brink of disaster. Speeding out of control like a runaway train, you are confused and fearful of what has become a fanatical devotion to an irrational and primordial rage. You feel scared -- and justifiably so. If heeded, though, this terrifying sensation can break the spell for most people and return them to lower, less agitated states. Think of it as an emotional stop-valve before reaching the most dangerous level of anger.
Extermination:
At level seven you draw your sword with the intention to annihilate the source of your fury. Your anger has morphed from an emotional state into an aggressive behavior that seeks physical expression. Most acts of violence occur at this level, including crimes of passion and manslaughter. Not every breach of this level results in violence, but the intensity of rage is so explosive and the loss of control so blinding, that the danger cannot be ignored.
The Impact of Anger
The impact of anger on others is two-fold: first, there is the sheer force of the anger that assaults it's recipient; and second, there is the accumulative impact, where the recipient stores the anger in their body. Although the impact of anger is immediately apparent in one-on-one exchanges, the accumulative affects of anger cause more damage.
Anything that accumulates can be insidious in its affect, since incremental accumulation often remains undetected till a critical mass has been achieved. For this reason, if you frequently find yourself in the line of fire of angry affronts, the long-term impact can be as unhealthy as the insidious affects of second-hand smoke. Just as you choose non-smoking sections to protect yourself, it is equally wise to limit your exposure to angry people.
Anger, of course, doesn't seep into the delicate membranes of your lungs like second-hand smoke does, but prolonged exposure to anger can act like a toxin that alters the chemical balance in your cells, leading to the manifestation of disease. Therefore, it is important to understand that just as you need to minimize your own exposure to anger, you also need to be aware of the damage your second-hand anger may have on others.
In its base form, anger is like a plague and its insidious grip has infected every culture on your planet since the dawn of creation; yet, every person affected by this malady has always had the cure within their grasp. Anger is the disease of free will, and the only real cure is, choice.
How Anger Affects Your Health
Your health consists of a delicate balance between the thoughts and feelings you formulate in your inner world, and the care you give to your body in the outer. It is important, therefore, to nurture this balance so body and soul can work together as a whole. Destructive expressions of anger -- even blocked anger that is suppressed -- disrupts this alliance and can lead to the manifestation of disease.
Disease almost always begins in the mind. Negative thoughts and feelings that coalesce in emotions such as anger, grief, anxiety, hatred, guilt, resentment, and depression, eventually seek physical expression.
Just as the Surgeon General posts a warning on packages of cigarettes that reads, Smoking May Be Hazardous to Your Health, the same could be said about the long term affects of anger. Smoking a couple cigarettes rarely results in a serious health complication, but smoking cigarettes for many years greatly increases the odds that damage could occur.
The insidious nature of tobacco makes it impossible to know just how many cigarettes can be smoked before the onset of disease. And some people, of course, can smoke for many years without a problem. It’s the accumulative affect, however, that little by little, infiltrates the delicate membranes of the lungs and gradually deteriorates their functionality.
The accumulative affects of anger work in the same way.
But isn't anger just a thought? How could that hurt me?
While it is true that some expressions of anger do begin as thoughts, negatively-charged thoughts usually end in emotion. Anger is a verb: you seethe, rage, boil, burn, erupt.
Anger and Boundaries
Personal boundaries maintained with compassion and clear communication usually feel more appropriate than anger expressed from a defensive posture, since responding from a position of neutrality yields more positive results. Since something can be learned from any life experience, however, both choices are valid.
Using anger as a defense against physical or psychological harm is an appropriate response when the situation demands, but ultimately, personal expression that seeks first to communicate with compassion and respect for others -- even during exchanges of anger -- is the preferred alternative if the goal is to improve spiritual well-being.
Dealing With Anger in Others
Angry people must be given the space to vent their frustrations and concerns; the bone of their contention doesn’t matter. Let them express their feelings without rebuke so they can move energy that might otherwise get repressed.
For most people, a single eruption is all that is required. Too often, however, the opposing party engages the angered person with a reciprocal rebuttal. This, of course, fans the flames, and what was once a single outburst is now a raging fire that burns out of control.
If the intention is to avoid further escalation, it is best to remain absolutely quiet when someone blows their top. Arguing with them, even if you feel justified, only adds fuel to a fire that if left to its own combustion would otherwise burn itself out.
Avoiding the fray, especially when in the line of fire, can be a challenge. One solution is to disengage yourself. Imagine that you are no longer a participant in the conflict, but a mere spectator. Spectators can, of course, choose to take sides or observe with absolute neutrality. This is no different than your choice of involvement as a spectator at an athletic tournament. At such events you either support one side over the other, or you watch with impartiality and enjoy the contest for the sheer athletic prowess it displays.
When dealing with the anger of others, your goal is to purposely not take sides. By being a spectator, you disengage from the pageantry of the drama as it plays out. If you find yourself starting to react defensively, ask yourself as a spectator, "Why am I feeling this way?" It is always your choice if you choose to volley the energy of another, since their display of anger is only a co-creation if you allow it.
When someone engages you in an angry exchange, remember how you felt yourself when you were once angry, and recall how your anger faded if the people around you didn’t react in kind. Use your understanding of your own struggles with anger as a source of empathy for your angry partner, and model behavior that had once helped bring yourself back under control.
Since you cannot easily communicate with an angry person, hold a loving space for them till they regain their footing and find their emotional center of gravity again.
Three Ways to Neutralize Anger
When anger strikes it is literally like a lightning bolt. Neutralizing this effect helps to counter the stresses that anger can generate.
We do not wish to suggest that anger is not a valid expression. On the contrary, anger can be a healthy and constructive outlet of expression when not used in destructive ways.
1) Be Non-Reactive
The first way to neutralize the affects of anger is to be nonreactive to it. What we mean is you choose not to dance with the triggers that normally anger you. In other words, you disengage and detach. Your reaction is to have no reaction.
Being non-reactive is the only way we know of to distance yourself from the triggers that pull you out of your center. Instead of engaging in the passion play, you become an impartial observer. You choose to sit on the fence rather than participate in a chain of reactions that might otherwise escalate out of control. It is your choice, after all, if you choose to react negatively to something. Nobody makes you angry without your consent. You are the sole author of your anger and you write every word of it -- page after page, chapter after chapter.
Being non-reactive demands constant practice. Not taking the bait is an act of self-discipline, so do not expect immediate results over night. When you do react angrily, however, make a mental note of it. Later, trace the events that led to your reaction and try to imagine yourself reacting differently. If someone insulted you, for example, understand that it was not their words that caused your anger, but your reaction to them.
Understanding that your anger is a choice, not something that needs to be controlled, is an important step in neutralizing its affects on your life.
2) Recognize Your Anger In Others
The second way to neutralize anger is to recognize your anger in others. Recognition, in this sense, is when you recognize aspects of yourself in those you are angry with. This should not be confused with projection, where you see in others aspects of yourself that you wish to deny.
Watching as your adversary struggles with frustrations you have dealt with in the past can be a bridge towards greater empathy. Your own anger is a map of the human condition; the frustrations you experience in life are not dissimilar to frustrations experienced by others. This commonality can be used as a guide in understanding the negative reactions of others, and learning to respond with greater compassion.
When someone lashes out at you, for example, take a step back and see if you can recall being angry about a similar event in the past. As we mentioned earlier, identifying a shared experience can help you understand where that person is coming from, and assist you in responding with compassion rather than anger.
Think about the last time you stubbed your toe, a possibly humorous image. You probably recall the throbbing pain you felt as you danced around on one leg. If you were in the presence of someone who also stubbed their toe, wouldn’t you recall the pain you once experienced, even feeling a tingling in your own toe? The same is true when someone provokes you. They are most likely experiencing a frustration that you have also experienced before. If you can empathize with them based on the commonality that you share, it will be easier to respond with more compassion and neutralize your own tendency towards anger.
3) Focus On Opposite Emotions
The third way to neutralize anger is to focus on the emotion that is opposite from what you are feeling. If you suddenly feel the urge to lash out at someone, focus on a feeling that is opposite, such as jubilation. By substituting one emotion for the other, you are simply making a choice to feel a different emotion. Jumping from one emotion to another is not as simple as we make it sound, but with practice the shift can be made with greater ease. This is an excellent way to demonstrate just how powerful individual choice can be in your life.
We realize techniques like this seem as if we are suggesting negative emotions should be masked. That is not our intention. Your emotions are a genuine and honest expression of how you feel at any moment. We do not mean to imply that you should deny the legitimacy of your feelings. We merely offer these techniques to help neutralize emotions that feel inappropriate for the situation, or are causing habitual reactions that you worry have taken control of your life.
Hypersensitivity & Anger
Identifying those issues you are most sensitive about is an important step toward avoiding the personal triggers that frequently unleash your anger. It's nearly impossible to live life fully without developing hypersensitivities -- or what some refer to as, "having issues." When someone inadvertently steps into that sensitive minefield you tenaciously guard, the retribution is swift and severe. But too often the anger is not based on a verifiable fact but a misinterpretation of the slight that can be traced to a sensitive issue from the past. If, for example, you were ridiculed as a child for being overweight, as an adult you may be hypersensitive concerning perceptions of your body, despite maintaining a desirable weight. Further, if you were wrongly accused in the past and it led to a negative outcome, even a joke that playfully alleges something about you could send you into a rage.
Since the consequence of "having a short fuse" is detrimental in sustaining relationships with friends, family, and co-workers, it is a logical act of self-preservation to find ways to alleviate the problem. Acknowledging that the actions of others are not necessarily the cause of your anger, and accepting that your own hypersensitivities often fuel your animosity, is a good first step.
Defusing the minefields from your past involves revisiting old wounds and healing them. Living in the present and forgetting the past is a popular remedy, but until the painful past is faced head-on, acknowledged for what it contributed to your life -- both good and bad -- and then summarily let go, unwelcome aspects of it will continue to fester in your soul, demanding attention.
Think of these past events as folders from the enormous file cabinet of your life, that were either improperly stored or left out to review later. It may sound simplistic, but the mere act of reviewing the file and ritualistically returning it to the cabinet, can put many issues to rest.
Common Triggers & How to Transform Them
Minor Irritations: Any accumulation of energy, especially if negatively charged, is best released or neutralized. When allowed to accumulate, repressed emotions tend to erupt all at once, similar to the eruptive nature of a volcano. Outbursts like this are not only disruptive and negative, but potentially violent if the energy is repressed for too long.
Neutralizing emotions, as mentioned earlier, yield the most positive outcome. If that is not possible, communicating minor annoyances as they occur is far better then repressing them until they accumulate and erupt later in volcanic expressions that are inappropriate and destructive.
Fatigue, Stress & Poor Health:
When the body is overwhelmed by stress and not in good working order, your tolerance of the daily irritations and frustrations in life is diminished. The obvious solution is to get plenty of rest each night and find ways to alleviate excess tension in your life. The importance of adequate sleep can not be stressed enough in combating irritability and, ultimately, anger.
Something Is Bothering You:
Excessive worry over a problem or incident can pull you out of your center, leaving you distracted and prone to lash out at anyone that inadvertently crosses the borders of your anxiety.
Along with anger, worry is another constant in life, an affliction that is rarely ameliorated by the irrational levels of caffeine ingested each day in your society. We could fill several of your typed pages with a discussion about the feverish thinking associated with worrying, but for now we will say that focusing on the "present" -- not the past or future -- can alleviate much of the anxiety being felt.
So many people worry about things that may never come to pass that they forget to live the life that is unfolding around them.
Angry People:
Being accosted by an angry person both catches you off-guard and injects a hostile dose of aggression into your personal space. Avoiding the impulse to respond in kind can be a significant challenge, since when two opposing forces clash in this manner, further escalation typically occurs.
The solution here is to give the person room. If you let them express their feelings in a safe space and do not reciprocate their anger, they will move their energy with less incident.
False Assumptions:
Similar to projection, false assumptions project personal views of reality onto the actions and motivations of another, creating a subjective perception of a person that bears no resemblance to the truth. It is the literal creation of a fictional character, and anger generated from this plotline is based on false premises. This natural tendency to demonize those you take issue with often results in projecting the darker parts of yourself onto others till they become individual mirrors of your fears.
False assumptions may be transformed by forming conclusions about others based on fact, not assumption. Learn to verify every perception you have about a person: ask questions, collect facts, and carefully observe if your inferences emanate from a place of fear or a verifiable truth. If your conclusions cannot be verified, discard them till more information is available.
Point of Reference:
Another common trigger, point of reference is when you equate a past wrong committed by a person to all their actions in the future. It doesn't matter if the individual has long since matured and redeemed themselves, interactions with that individual will still be met with suspicion, based on that point of reference from the past.
Once again, do not confuse opinion with fact. Verify your perceptions with factual data, not interpretation. Allow people the opportunity to change.
Not Getting What You Expect:
Unmet expectations are the most common reasons for anger that we know. We will discuss this further in the next segment.
Anger & False Personality:
False personality is the judge and jury that exiles you to a prison of your own making. Learn to be a prosecutor and cross-examine the actions of false personality. Challenge its rationale. Too often false personality leads you to misconstrue events that in the light of reasonable thinking would have never warranted angry reactions. The worst offenders are unmet expectations.
In a perfect world everyone gets along, things go your way, and all dreams come true. But in the real world where free will reigns, your expectations of how things should be are frequently subject to influences outside your control.
Some people believe they can control any situation that befalls them, but this is an irrational expectation.
There are things in life that must be accepted for the way they are. Rude people, for example, will still be encountered in life no matter how much you expect otherwise. Thus flying into a rage whenever you encounter discourteous behavior only means your beliefs have become untenable. The dictates of false personality incites you to defend your beliefs at any cost, so to avoid these negative patterns in your life, learn to challenge any beliefs that lead to anger. If something seems irrational or unrealistic, it probably is. Instead of embracing negative outbursts that only feed false personality and solve nothing, toss your faulty beliefs aside and choose to accept that which cannot be changed.
Anger & Chief Features:
Anger and the chief features are frequent bedfellows. There is a mutual attraction here that works in tandem, and not for the greater good.
Anger is not a manifestation of the chief features, per se, but a vehicle. The chief features hitch a ride on your anger, so to speak, and gives it more expression. Thus, the more entrenched you are in your chief features, the greater the expression of anger.
Consequently, extinguishing the chief features are a logical step in lessening the influence of unwanted anger in your life. Chief features, of course, are driven by fear, and anger thrives on that. You could say that the chief feature emboldens your anger through association. Otherwise, it's like your anger is at a dance without a partner.
We do not wish to imply, however, that anger is truly chief feature driven -- it is not -- but when the two dance together, you should expect more from the couple than just the tango.
Breaking things down, the ordinal chief features of self-deprecation, self-destruction, and martyrdom, express anger inward, in ways that mostly do damage to the self. The cardinal chief features of arrogance, greed, and impatience, on the other hand, express anger outward, in ways that often impact others.
Provided is a brief summary of how anger and the chief features may interact.
Self-Deprecation:
The combination of anger and self-deprecation often leads to a downward spiral in confidence, enthusiasm, and self-esteem. This inward directed anger crushes the spirit, attacking the self and its ability to experience the pride of individual accomplishment, or to even tackle daily obligations with much vigor. Depression is the result.
Learning not to compare yourself with others is the first chink in the armor of this chief feature. You are perfectly adequate the way you are.
Self-Destruction:
If feelings of being out of control weren't already enough, anger adds a combustion to this chief feature that often leads to tragic results. Self-destruction attacks the self, of course, and anger provides the impetus for self-inflicted injury, both psychological and physical.
Learning to value yourself, even when laying in a gutter of despair, is not a challenge that is easily remedied overnight. Setting small goals at first is best. The goal is to find something in each day that is significant. It can be something as simple as a favorite song or food. What matters is that you start collecting a menagerie of meaningful experiences. In time, as the collection grows, you will find it is not the experiences that matter so much, but the value they add to your life. A life that has meaning is a life that finds value in everything around it. When you learn to find value in your life, you will soon find more value in yourself.
Martyrdom:
If misery loves company, then surely a marriage of martyrdom and anger are a match made in Hell. Gripped by an unrelenting fear of their own worthlessness, people with this chief feature are angry at the world. They feel deep despair for their lot in life, they moan and complain about the injustices they face, but they are usually too depressed to make much noise about it outside their own vicious circle.
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The first step toward transforming this energy is the acknowledgement that the Universe did not give them a bum rap, they did, and continue to do so. For all intents and purposes, the Universe doesn't even know of their existence. So there is nothing to lose if they throw caution to the wind, step onto the world stage, and finally make their voices heard. Someone might just be listening.
Stubbornness:
Anger serves as a continued line of defense around the borders of stubbornness, adding stronger fortification. Stubbornness likes to draw a line in the sand -- fighting to preserve the status quo -- and anger helps to defend that line with a tireless tenacity.
Opening your borders to new ideas and possibilities is one way to transform this obstinate alliance. Instead of steadfastly holding on and digging in deeper to secure your footing, climb out of the trenches and discover that having unprotected borders doesn't mean annihilation.
Arrogance:
Anger and arrogance are lively sparring partners, with unwavering judgments that can cause someone to both puff themselves into narcissistic caricatures and retreat into isolation at the same time.
Being vulnerable and exposing the jugular to the whims of public scrutiny can be a trial by fire that loosens the grip of this chief feature.
Greed:
This is a combustible combination. Greed has an appetite that's insatiable, and anger feeds on all things insatiable that go unfulfilled. It makes for a volatile hunger that is forever unsatisfied. You couldn't ask for more from a chief feature.
We think greed is best managed by literally putting it on a diet. The stunning realization that the soul won't starve if its appetite for life occasionally goes unfulfilled, means having to subsist on what it already has, which can cause the fruit of this fear to wither on the vine.
Impatience:
Continuing our food analogy, impatience already lends a bitter taste to all that it flavors, so adding unsavory spices like anger to the mix is a dish best served when nobody else is around.
On the other hand, learning to serve others while gracefully bowing to the frustrations that often accompany such endeavors, can among other things, teach patience
Anger & Centering:
The four centers -- intellectual, emotional, moving, and physical -- are direct indicators of how your anger manifests and what incidents provoke it. By monitoring your centers you can quickly assess the warning signals that often appear in your centering before the full force of your anger is unleashed. You can also mix and match various techniques for stopping anger based on your individual centering. If you are in the moving part of the intellectual center, for example, choose techniques that are in alignment with that combination. Find more on that in the next section.
Physical Center:
When provoked, the physical manifestations are clearly evident: heart rate increases, there may be an elevation in blood pressure, the face turns red; gastrointestinal upset may lead to feelings of nausea; musculoskeletal tension may cause headaches or a grinding of the teeth.
Emotional Center:
When provoked, any emotions relevant to the reaction are summoned, such as feelings of rejection, betrayal, guilt, embarrassment, impatience, and so on.
Intellectual Center:
When provoked, the mind races in an incessant chatter, interpreting the offense, second guessing, confabulating, and generally distorting events.
Moving Center:
When provoked, physical posturing appears aggressive, voices are raised, speech becomes rapid, fists are clenched, objects are broken. Action is taken on feelings.
Stopping Anger Once It Occurs
Take a Break
Dealing with anger once caught within its throes requires immediate attention. When dealing with a contentious situation that could raise your ire, the most obvious solution is to remove yourself from the situation. The goal isn't the fearful avoidance of a confrontation where you constantly flee from all forms of conflict, but the wise choice to take a break from a situation that you feel has escalated out of control. This can come in the form of asking to change the subject temporarily, or walking away altogether. Later, after you have cooled-off and reassessed your thoughts and feelings on the matter, return and discuss the topic more constructively.
This technique is particularly effective if you have the have moving center as either a part or centering. But it works well with any combination.
The Human Lightning Rod
Since most fragments either express their rage with great abandon or repress the expression, storing it for later, a less stressful approach is to simply ground yourself against the charge. This idea is similar to the way a lightning rod works, where the rod offers a low resistance path that directs any harmful electrical currents away from a structure and into the ground.
To literally make yourself into a human lightning rod that neutralizes angry feelings, use your body as an electrical conductor and redirect the energy into the Earth.
We offer the following idea:
First, stop talking.
Second, stand straight (but nonrigid), and let your arms dangle loosely.
The natural tendency during a bout of anger is to tense the body, like a snake coiling to strike, but that only intensifies the anger and pushes it to the breaking point. Relaxing the muscles, however, stops the energy from reaching a critical mass, which then allows the negative charge to flow through your body unobstructed till it dissipates harmlessly. The angry feelings may run up and down your body for a short duration, but if you remain loose and relaxed -- almost like a rag doll -- your body provides a low resistance path for the charge to pass through and eventually the intensity of the energy will fade.
Focus on your breathing during this process, slowly breathing in and out to reduce the pace of your agitation. On each exhale, imagine that you are directing any negative energy deeper into the ground.
This technique is particularly effective if you have the emotional center as either a part or centering.
Anger That Is Out of Control:
Change the Script
Anger that borders on rage is almost always a manifestation of false personality. Many techniques are available to address this problem, but one method is to, in a figurative sense, change the script you are using. In other words, distract your incendiary impulse by either mentally or orally reciting a pre-written script specifically memorized for this purpose, such as an unusual quote or even a nursery rhyme. The chosen phrase should be so preposterous that when compared to the original context of the anger, it momentarily breaks the spell of the tirade and allows you to regain your emotional equilibrium. The point is to break the incessant chatter in your mind that races illogically, interpreting and confabulating reasons for being anger.
This technique is particularly effective if you have the intellectual center as either a part or centering.
We understand that being consumed by anger is frightening. It feels like a wild animal is running loose in your body, snarling, biting, and generally acting dangerous. Attempting to corner the animal only results in more snarling and biting. The solution, of course, is to release the animal from its cage. But how do you do that without having it attacking someone innocent? The answer is simple: do not cage the animal in the first place. Attempts to corner, trap, or cage anger only terrifies the beast further. Like taming a feral cat, you establish trust by eliminating aggressive posturing, creating a safe environment, and showing affection when the animal acts up. Learning to love your anger, not fear it, is an important step toward releasing it from the cage within your soul.
While there are numerous techniques available to tame anger, the main objective is to avoid feeding this hungry beast. In other words, break the chain reaction that causes anger to escalate out of control.
Since by nature anger is an ephemeral emotion that is meant to be over in a flash, giving pause or adding a quiet moment after the initial reaction can break the spell of most tirades. When your mother used to say "count to 10," she was imparting ancient wisdoms that still work well today.
The Root Cause of Anger
If you still find yourself at the mercy of outbursts beyond your control, then as mentioned earlier, your tank is full, so to speak. It may be helpful to examine any recent frustrations or set-backs that have accumulated over the past couple months, and determine if you have repressed any of that energy. Peeling back the layers and going deeper into your anger may also prove helpful. In fact, knowing the root cause of your anger is vital if your intention is to use anger in more constructive ways. Anger that feels out of control can be mysterious and frightening, and being unaware of the source only contributes to this fear.
To gain access to the origin of your anger, descend into the inner recesses of your being, and ask the deeper parts of yourself for assistance. Start by making a list of what makes you angry, both from the past and the present. Place each point in a separate column and leave space for answers below.
In a meditative state, work through your list and ask where your anger comes from. The goal is to learn the origin of your discontent. Like the Akashic records, you have access to all knowledge stored inside you -- just ask for it. Write your answers down in the corresponding column.
As you plumb the depths, one answer will often lead to another, and this is a necessary process in order to reach the root cause. The answers may surface as memories of events, images that need to be deciphered, or a distinctive voice in your thoughts.
Here’s an example of what to expect when you peel back the layers:
You ask about your angry reactions toward members of a particular political party. You are told that you disagree with political parties that worship profit over people.
You ask why this ignites such a charge. You are told you were not allowed to join a club when you were eight years old because your parents lacked the money to afford the uniform. So now there is the pain of being excluded from something.
You ask why does this have a charge? You are told you were denied your mother’s love as a baby when your twin brother was sick, requiring extra care. And so on...
Anger As a Mental Habit
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When frustration and annoyance become so dominant that your automatic response is one of anger, then the reoccurring behavior has created a neurological pathway in your brain, similar to a well-traveled trail. Anger then becomes a mental habit, where you indiscriminately react to events that shouldn't warrant an angry response. In short, your anger has become an addiction.
Habitual anger is like unstable weather patterns where dark clouds loom, barometric pressures drop, and something in the air tells you that a storm is imminent. Habitual anger is then a cloud that hovers above you night and day; an internal storm system that clouds the sunshine in your life with a perpetual shadow. And as unpredictable as the weather, a stormy reaction is possible at any time.
To escape this dark eclipse in your life, remember that anger is self-generated. Other people do not make you angry, you do. You are never a puppet on a string to incendiary impulses that seem out of control, but the final arbiter in all the choices that you make. Anger is merely one choice out of the thousand choices you make each day. Making choices that honor the values you live your life by are easier than you may realize.
Choice is nothing more than a conscious decision to either do something or not. If you flip on a light switch, for instance, you have temporarily chosen to live in a world that is fully illuminated; if you flip the switch off, you are surrounded by darkness. Your choice to be angry is then as simple as either flipping a switch on or off.
We realize this sounds oversimplified, but choice was never meant to be anything but simple. It's living with the consequences of a choice that proves difficult, and this is where breaking an addiction to anger is most relevant.
If you can learn that, like a light switch, the choice to respond with anger is as easy as a choice to stand in a lighted room, then the next time you feel an impulse of anger, choose the lighted room. Chief features, emotional triggers, and repressed anger will no doubt try to add shadows to the room, but remember that it was personal choice that allowed those energy parasites to feed on your psyche in the first place.
To free yourself from this addiction, develop more self-awareness to the unexpressed anger that you store within. Know your triggers. Keep a journal of the things that made you angry in the past, and compile a log of new instances as they occur. Look for patterns and categorize them. For example, if waiting in long lines or getting stuck in traffic is a common trigger for your anger, examine your beliefs about this behavior. Do you harbor unrealistic expectations around this issue? Challenge all beliefs that seem irrational.
Letting go of anger can feel like you are losing a part of yourself. You have fought long and hard to justify this part, and to realize suddenly it was a false part and not your true self, can leave you disillusioned. This is the insidious trap of false personality: false personality is like being in a dream where you are a spectator in your own life, unable to control your reactions. It is a daytime nightmare. Wake up.
Anger is best evaluated during times of relaxation. As you lay in bed, for instance, replay incidents in your mind that have generated angry reactions in the past. Do your angry feelings immediately return during this review, or are you able to review your mental reenactment as an impartial observer?
Ultimately, the key to lessening the grip of habitual anger in your life is to practice reacting in ways other than anger. Or said more succinctly: STOP GETTING ANGRY.
Stop Getting Angry:
Breaking any addiction requires time and a steadfast devotion to the cause. It is not enough to just practice the exercises we outlined in this channeling. To remove an addiction from your life, it is important to remove the substance of your addiction.
Like the former smoker who denies himself a lighted cigarette, a recovering angry person should remove similar props from his life. Raising your voice, gritting your teeth, clenching your fists, or pounding on a desk, are all reactions that ignite angry feelings, and these physiological responses can become addicting over time -- the more often you express yourself in anger, the more often you will find yourself getting angry.
As in all things, practice makes perfect; so when you practice being angry -- which is essentially what you are doing when you blow your top at another -- you are perfecting your ability to unleash a potentially destructive emotion more frequently and with greater force.
To stop this vicious cycle, rid yourself of all expressions that escalate angry feelings. Shouting at others or pounding on objects only feeds your addiction and lays neural pathways in the brain that ensures stronger outbursts in the future. Learn to stop posturing in ways that lead to friction and hostility. Don't raise your voice, shake your fists, resort to inflammatory language, or use a menacing gesture of any kind. And when incited to anger, if you can't leave the area and your mother's timeless instruction of counting to ten seems woefully impractical, don't say anything at all -- at least momentarily -- and become the human lightning rod we mentioned earlier, allowing the disruptive energy to pass harmlessly through your body, into the ground.
The main objective is to practice not getting angry. If you can do that for six weeks, you will break your addiction.
Constructive Uses of Anger:
We began this session with the comment, "anger is release." We stand by that assessment; however, the act of release can be like the addictive elements of a drug -- once you start, it's hard to stop.
We do not question the benefit of releasing anger rather than suppressing it, since allowing emotional toxins to fester in the body is both psychologically debilitating and detrimental to physical health. But the long-term ramifications of unabashedly expressing anger with little regard for the impact it has on others is an obvious concern, since anger that seeks to harm or destroy, either through verbal or physical abuse, only widens the gap between two combatants. Even in group settings, the negative shrapnel that strikes anyone within the vicinity of an explosive outburst is neither appropriate nor helpful. And as demonstrated too often throughout history, the mob mentality of a crowd is easily inflamed.
Time-honored therapies that teach the release of anger through screaming or pounding on objects in private are also of dubious merit, in our opinion, since venting anger at full bore is just another way to practice being angry. While this does release some pent-up aggression, it also brings with it the same deleterious affects associated with anger, such as elevated blood pressure, increased heat rate, headaches, and so on. In our estimation, it's counter-productive.
We believe the healthier approach is to defuse or neutralize angry feelings, or not get angry at all. , and use them as a touchstone for open and honest communication.
Today's irritations can too easily become tomorrow's regrets, so it's important to communicate feelings of anger before they accumulate over time. Since anger provides an immediate assessment of your emotional health, alerting you to imbalances in your body that should be addressed, it is a useful tool for measuring the effectiveness of your communication style. In other words, if you are angry 2-3 times a day, your style of communication is probably in need of improvement.
Doing this constructively means removing the negative charge from your expression so that you can communicate in ways that are respectful, honest, and non-threatening. When used constructively, anger can improve the quality of relationships, motivating people to openly express their feelings with greater confidence and less apprehension.
We offer the following suggestions for constructive communication:
Constructive communication is not a debate. Do not make the other person wrong. Relinquish your need to be right; you are connecting a bridge to an equal.
Be specific. Do not expect your partner to read between the lines. Openly communicate what you think and what you feel.
Focus on one issue at a time. Avoid tangents that may introduce prior judgments and nit-picking.
Show tact and respect, but do not give away your power. Be compassionate yet assertive. Communicate what you want and what you need.
Listen. Don't craft your next response before your partner has finished talking. Constructive communication is not a chess match.
Be nonresistant. Open your borders to new possibilities.
Forgive. Put the past behind you and move forward.
Releasing Old Anger:
Old, repressed anger can collect in stagnant pools of energy in your body, leaving an energetic toxicity that both feeds false personality and increases the likelihood of disease.
Techniques for releasing repressed anger are varied, but the act of forgiveness is a time-tested remedy that if expressed with sincerity, can rejuvenate the inflicted areas in both your spiritual and physical body, similar to the way the body can suddenly reverse the spread of cancer cells.
Some say forgiveness is forgetting. Wouldn't that suffice?
Forgetting only works if something is not deeply entrenched. Otherwise you need to bring all past grievances to the surface to be acknowledged, accepted, and released.
Forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a relatively simple act, with little or no preparation required, yet it remains one of the most daunting lessons our students face. Indeed, if every fragment on your planet performed just one act of forgiveness a day, the entire world would benefit. But the evolutionary process of your civilization follows a natural course, and fragments will awaken when they are ready to do so.
Learning to forgive is vital to your spiritual health for several reasons:
Forgiveness releases you from the ball and chain that tethers to all the wrong you have suffered from. Violations to your being, either karmic or mere annoyance, continue to inflict pain and damage till you forgive the fragment in question and release the negative charge or imbalance initially created. As long as you nurture feelings of anger and resentment, you relive the injurious act and continue to fall victim to it.
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Forgiveness does not mean you condone the act. You simply release your negative attachment to it and stop any further victimization by its memory. You also release the perpetrator of the energetic bond created at the time. Forgiveness is not a divorce, per se, but there are elements of the unhealthy marriage between two fragments in need of forgiveness.
Each act of forgiveness is another step to Agape. Forgiveness blooms like a flower in your soul and the sheer number of blossoms are directly proportional to the acts of forgiveness performed. Similar to the honeybee as it pollinates neighboring flowers, one act of forgiveness can literally pollinate hundreds of flowers.
The potential for healing is another benefit of forgiveness. When someone violates your trust, for instance, you feel like you have an emotional flu; forgiveness then, serves as the antidote.
To use a business analogy, forgiveness is like a contract you write that releases you of any negative bonds you have with either yourself or another person. This contract is your intention to let go of fear and replace it with love. Over a lifetime you will collect a substantial inventory of unresolved fears and you could say your soul becomes a warehouse for these goods. The shelves, so to speak, may indeed be stacked high with boxes and dust curls, but there is no expiration date on the fears you have boxed away. And reviving the potency of what lies in a box is as simple as opening the lid. Forgiveness, then, is your way of liquidating your inventory and redistributing it in a more positive manner.
Finally, forgiveness teaches you how to love those around you who act unlovable. It breaks down barriers erected around insecurities, prejudices, and fears, and exposes you to the truth that love is the Universal constant. As we have said before, adversaries are your greatest teachers; much can be learned by forgiving them.
As yet another instrument in your arsenal of spiritual tools, forgiveness simply helps you release negative energy. Anytime you harbor this kind of energy you limit the fullness of your potential. Forgiveness is your means for clearing the pent-up energies of resentment, frustration, anger, annoyance, betrayal, hate, and a host of other spiritual maladies that act like parasites, preventing you from finding more joy in your life.
Many tools are available to teach you about forgiveness, but we have tried to distill some of the concepts into a single exercise.
First, realize that forgiveness is worthless without sincerity. In your society, such glib attempts at forgiveness are no better than a band-aid if sincerity and determination are not part of the RX mix.
In this exercise, then, instead of focusing on a specific individual, look for something within yourself to forgive. It should come as little surprise to you that no greater test of sincerity exists than when you focus the healing lens on your own life.
Starting at the age of six (if you can remember that far), begin retrieving memories from your past, scanning carefully for events that still carry an emotional charge. Look in particular for any incident where you felt shame and regret. Allow yourself to re-experience those feelings as fully as possible. As resurrected emotions surge through your body, do not be surprised if this creates some pain. This is your cue that you have tapped into a pocket of repressed energy that needs release and healing. Like an emotional Geiger counter in your body, emotional pain alerts you to release unproductive energy that, if allowed to fester, could materialize physically and cause damage.
To avoid this, learn to face your pain and release it. Simply let it go. Instead of fighting or denying its existence, momentarily give it full reign over your body, allowing the pain to resonate through you as if you were a human tuning fork.
Now ponder the ramifications of your action from the past and acknowledge how it might have affected other people. Do not judge yourself here, just accept the role you played in the incident. When the intensity of your emotions have reached a climax -- not dissimilar to the potency of sexual release -- forgive yourself. Use whatever affirmation suits the situation, but vow with as much intensity as you can generate that you are releasing all fear from this memory and forgiving yourself for the harm you inflicted on others, including the mistakes that you made. Acknowledge the validity of the experience for what it taught you, but make a pact with yourself that once you have released this fear you are finished with it for good. Then allow the energy to dissipate and let go of the past.
Continue this exercise for a couple days (or however long it takes) and find more personal experiences in your life that might benefit from your forgiveness. In particular, uncover any memories that haunt you today and give them special attention. Like neglected, homeless children, these specters from your past still cry out for your love.
After you develop ample proficiency with this exercise, you are ready to choose someone else to forgive.
We remind you that embarking on journeys like this rarely offer an easy way back, so the decision should not be taken lightly. Once you make the decision, however, and choose to face your emotional pain without remorse, you enable yourself to see beyond the dusty facades you have constructed around your fears.
These false fronts often resemble dilapidated ghost towns in your soul and serve as decaying reminders of your refusal to face your past courageously and with resolve. Learning to forgive, however, puts the past behind you where it belongs.
Forgiveness is the only way we know to reach true inner peace. Like everything else, though, releasing your fears from the past and replacing them with love is, ultimately, a choice.
