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2024-03-28T19:11:19Z
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Why Isn’t My Twin Flame Relationship Working?
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/why-isn-t-my-twin-flame-relationship-working
2014-05-01T22:30:00.000Z
2014-05-01T22:30:00.000Z
Avatar
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/members/Avatar433
<div><p><span class="font-size-3"><a href="{{#staticFileLink}}8109146287,original{{/staticFileLink}}"><img width="298" class="align-left" src="{{#staticFileLink}}8109146287,original{{/staticFileLink}}" alt="8109146287?profile=original" /></a>The twin flame reunion process is one of the most challenging, compelling, and confusing experiences for both partners involved--and often for other people in their lives too. In our previous article “<a href="http://www.in5d.com/finding-your-twin-flame.html">How Do I Know If I’ve Found My Twin Flame?</a>” we discussed characteristics of a twin flame connection, as well as reasons why that type of relationship is significant to twin partners and to the planet as a whole. Unfortunately, once found, your twin flame partner can go through phases of appearing cryptic, distant, scary, unpredictable, or even out-of-sync from the person you know and remember him or her to be.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-3">As a result, in “<a href="http://www.in5d.com/navigating-the-twin-flame-experience.html">Tips for Navigating the Twin Flame Experience</a>” we detailed some of the more common and effective tactics to help partners better manage the deep connection, as well as understand the often overwhelming feelings and obstacles they face. After all, we are socialized to be independent individuals, feel in control, and prioritize our own survival instincts or “self-<img width="156" height="207" align="right" alt="Why Isn’t My Twin Flame Relationship Working? | In5D.com" src="http://www.in5d.com/images/5d-twin-flame-.jpg" vspace="15" hspace="15" />preservation.” The <a href="http://www.in5d.com/what-is-a-soul-group.html">twin flame connection</a> challenges all of these notions; gives us a glimpse of what unconditional love and oneness truly mean; and forces us to accept vulnerability as a sign of strength. Twin flame partners are DESTINED to reunite permanently, but they can take many years, decades, or even the incarnation to do so. Although Divine and often quite magical, the reunion process itself is far from the <a href="http://www.in5d.com/types-of-fairies.html">fairy</a> tale that we wish it would be!</span></p><p><span class="font-size-3">Consciously and unconsciously, twin flame partners engage in behaviors that can seem counter-productive, detrimental, or hurtful-- but these activities are ultimately meant to serve them both, propel their <a href="http://www.in5d.com/what-is-it-like-to-make-a-soul-contract.html">soul missions</a>, and help them assist other people in their world. Thanks to free will, human egos, time lines, and a few other factors listed below, many variables contribute to how quickly and smoothly the permanent twin flame reunion unfolds.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-3"><strong><em>If your twin flame relationship just doesn’t seem to be “working,” there is no reason to feel defeated. Your relationship journey may feel painful and time-consuming, but there are valuable reasons for the periodic delays, difficulties, and heartaches!</em></strong></span></p><ol><li><span class="font-size-3"><span dir="ltr"><strong>THE RUNNER PHASE</strong>: Despite the incredible “fit” or familiarity of both partners’ energy signatures, at least one twin partner will “run” from the relationship. The runner may try to sabotage, forget, ignore, or set up strict boundaries regarding the twin partner and the couple’s interactions. Runners fear being dependent on one person emotionally, physically, mentally, and energetically, as doing so makes them vulnerable to incredible pain, disappointment, or despair if the relationship were to fail. As a result, they tend to: seek out or remain in less intense and <a href="http://www.in5d.com/why-raising-your-energy-vibration-is-so-important.html">lower vibrational relationships</a>; “play the field;” or throw themselves into other endeavors. <img width="214" height="195" align="right" alt="Why Isn’t My Twin Flame Relationship Working? | In5D.com" src="http://www.in5d.com/images/5d-twin-flame-1.jpg" vspace="15" hspace="15" />These efforts are all meant to distract runners and help them overcome the power of the twin flame connection. If given lots of space, most runners will finally “wake up” to the significance of the twin and to the fact that no other partner, destination, or activity will ever be able to take the place of their twin flame relationship.</span> </span></li><li><span dir="ltr" class="font-size-3"><strong>FORTIFICATION OF OTHER ASPECTS OR GOALS</strong>: The twin flame relationship commands so much focus, attention, and energy, as both parties learn to share and align their mental, physical, and emotional aspects. Career endeavors, family and other <a href="http://www.in5d.com/relationships-in-the-new-energy.html">relationships</a>, and even the physical health of one or both parties can get derailed or demoted because of how much is being devoted to the union. As a result, one or both parties may unconsciously delay finding the twin connection or reuniting permanently until the other important areas of life have been strengthened, fortified, or achieved. So, “getting one’s house in order” and taking advantage of other important opportunities will help make sure that the reunion happens more quickly, and that when it does you are prepared for it in every possible way. </span></li><li><span class="font-size-3"><span dir="ltr"><strong>ADDICTIONS OR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR</strong>: The power of the twin flame connection almost always fuels and inspires very positive transformations for both twin partners. However, such changes are achieved through an extremely intense, trying, and often explosive path. Even the most confident, intelligent, and capable twin partners find themselves to be more emotional, illogical, and volatile in the reunion process than they could have ever imagined. As a result, if one or both partners are prone to addictive, compulsive, or abusive behaviors, the permanent twin flame reunion can be delayed. The twin flame reunion is meant to strengthen both parties, but both need to be able to endure the process without physically harming themselves or each other. Consequently, the reunion may require specific timing or events to precede it so that it does not irreparably damage those involved.</span> </span></li><li><span class="font-size-3"><strong><span dir="ltr">OTHER PEOPLE’S TIME LINES</span></strong><span dir="ltr">: One of the main purposes of twin flame relationships is to strengthen both parties so that they can better assist others in their world. In some cases, one or both parties may temporarily need to be involved in other relationships or endeavors in order to create or preserve a time line that is important to this planet. For this reason, many twin partners are married to other people or have children in other relationships, especially before or soon after meeting the twin. Not only are these relationships and interactions valuable “practice” for a twin, but they almost always lead to positive growth or necessary outcomes for the other parties as well. So, if a twin reunion is delayed or stalled, it is likely that one or both parties are actively affecting someone else’s time line for a greater good, before the permanent twin reunion is allowed to happen here or beyond.</span> </span></li><li><span class="font-size-3"><strong><span dir="ltr">SOUL MATE(S) MEANT TO PREPARE YOU FOR YOUR TWIN</span></strong><span dir="ltr">: Almost every twin flame partner experiences at least one extremely deep <a href="http://www.in5d.com/love-sometimes-requires-letting-go.html">soul mate</a> connection with someone else, which mimics a twin flame relationship. That deep soul connection resonates greatly because he or she is often of similar or familiar frequency and part of a larger soul family that feels like home. A twin flame, on the other hand, is you—your soul’s other half. Most twin partners report that the deep soul connection(s) can feel identical to a twin flame in many positive ways, but in the end are meant to prepare you for one rather than be “the one.” In such cases, deep <img width="168" height="188" align="right" alt="Why Isn’t My Twin Flame Relationship Working? | In5D.com" src="http://www.in5d.com/images/5d-twin-flame-2.jpg" vspace="15" hspace="15" />soul connections can simply disappear or disintegrate before the actual twin reunion. Sometimes, a deep soul connection will remain in your life for the duration of the incarnation, and will serve as support or even a contrast to the actual twin. So, if a strong relationship disappears for a long time; the relationship is one of many positive and significant connections for you; or the deep relationship gets to a point that it no longer serves your growth, take heart because he or she may not be the actual twin.</span></span></li><li><span class="font-size-3"><span dir="ltr"><strong>UNWILLINGNESS TO CHOOSE THE “WORST FIRST” DYNAMIC</strong>: Unfortunately, one of the main characteristics of a true twin flame reunion is that</span> the first 3-10 years or more of the connection can be hellish--and offer every imaginable challenge, discomfort, and lesson. In a twin flame relationship, if the couple decides to persevere and make it through the very rough patches, the sense of "completion," confidence, and ease in the relationship actually increase over time because the worst of times and worst of both parties were presented first. On the flip side, deep soul mate connections often start great, and can sustain for a while--but sooner or later are not enough, especially as new challenges or personal nuances present themselves. Many twin flame partners consciously or unconsciously choose to delay their reunion in order to pursue deep soul mate connections that typically aren’t as arduous or painful, especially in the earlier phases. Both the twin flame connection and soul mate connection serve their purpose to fortify you, help you evolve, and prepare you for the next phases of this life and beyond.</span></li></ol><p><span class="font-size-3">Neither type of relationship is “right” or “wrong” or better or worse-- just different in when, how, and how intensely they feel better and worse. As you can see from the plethora of challenges and complications involved with a reunion, twin flame partners were never meant to reunite in the same lifetime. They were designed to take turns incarnating so that one could support the other from beyond. Right now, this planet and its people desperately need the intense energies and perspectives that twin flame reunions offer, which is why more and more twin flame couples are incarnating together during this time period. It is an uncomfortable, unaccustomed, and often disconcerting situation for both partners. As a result, the permanent reunions are frequently stalled or delayed to help prepare both parties--as strong individuals and as a powerful couple.</span></p><p><span class="font-size-3"><strong><em>If your twin flame relationship isn’t working, it doesn’t mean the fairy tale reunion doesn’t exist. It just means that the path to it is filled with lots of “tough love” from the universe. Why? So that the permanent reunion CAN take place—when, where, and how that you, your partner, and your world will benefit from it most.</em></strong></span></p><p><span class="font-size-3">Max (“The Healer’s Healer”), Lana, and LOC Group (<a href="http://www.locgroup.net/">www.locgroup.net</a>) enjoy helping others make the most of their experiences, relationships, and talents</span></p><p><span class="font-size-3"><a href="http://www.in5d.com/why-isnt-my-twin-flame-relationship-working.html">http://www.in5d.com/why-isnt-my-twin-flame-relationship-working.html</a></span></p></div>
From Fights to Hugs - My Relationship With My Body
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/from-fights-to-hugs-my-relationship-with-my-body
2013-04-02T02:00:00.000Z
2013-04-02T02:00:00.000Z
Setui
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/members/Setui
<div><p><a href="{{#staticFileLink}}8108924301,original{{/staticFileLink}}"><img width="130" src="{{#staticFileLink}}8108924301,original{{/staticFileLink}}" style="padding:2px;" class="align-left" alt="8108924301?profile=original" /></a>by <a href="/almostasecret.php?id=tylersteele">Tyler Steele</a> | Be my friend! <a href="http://www.facebook.com/bootesseed" target="_blank">Add me on Facebook</a> | Join the fun :D <a href="https://twitter.com/byTylerSteele" target="_blank">Follow me on Twitter</a></p><p> </p><p>Our relationship with our bodies is simply amazing. As the consciousness plugged in we work with the system that is our physical body, forming a cohesive relationship. Its remarkable when you really stop to think about it.</p><p></p><p>Everything working together simultaneously to enable even my fingers moving right now to type this.</p><p></p><p>I have found that being in touch with my body, listening to it, has been to key to achieving success with my intentions.</p><p>I used to try and ignore my body, forcing whatever I wanted. And did it react!</p><p></p><p>At 19 I was diagnosed with stomach ulcers. The doctor used a hangnail as an <a target="_blank"><img src="http://www.steadyhealth.com/108335/Image/stomach_pain_ulcer.jpg?width=408" width="408" style="padding:2px;" class="align-left" alt="stomach_pain_ulcer.jpg?width=408" /></a>analogy. She told me to imagine tearing a hangnail from finger all the way down my arm, and asked me to think of what that would feel like. Then she said that's exactly what was happening internally. The walls of my stomach were being peeled away by the acid in my system.</p><p></p><p>Gross!!</p><p></p><p>I lived with that for a while, until finally I decided no more ulcers. But I still wasn't in touch with my body and there was a lot I still internalized.</p><p></p><p>That's when I started getting severe eczema breakouts. Starting first with my hands, it soon spread over my entire torso. One outbreak was so severe it spread <a href="http://eczemasource.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/eczema-on-eye.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://eczemasource.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/eczema-on-eye.jpg?width=251" width="251" style="padding:2px;" class="align-right" alt="eczema-on-eye.jpg?width=251" /></a>to my face, in my eyes and my forearm actually got infected.</p><p>Gradually, the more I dealt with everything I was trying to ignore, and bury in my body, the eczema went away.</p><p>When I woke up spiritually it certainly led me down a path of getting more and more in touch with my body. After all, this body is my instrument here on earth. Why wouldn't I want to fine tune it?</p><p>In the past I would've treated this realization with an urgent regiment of fitness, starting from scratch. Typically this would last about a month before I'd completely burn out.</p><p>Because I still wasn't actually listening with body, and strengthening that relationship. Instead I was stuck on a murky image of what I thought, perhaps, my body might look like when I was done with the regiment.</p><blockquote><p>How can you ever be finished with having a relationship with your body? I think some people might call that death ;)</p></blockquote><p>Once I embraced the fact that it's a life long pursuit, remembering that its about the journey and not the destination, I saw and felt vast improvements. Suddenly I'm enjoying listening to my body. Not only did I start to feel better physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.</p><p></p><p>There were definite moments where I felt pretty silly for fighting with my body for so long. But this not so old dog is learning new tricks!</p><p></p><p>I recently cut out fast food again. I had done it a couple years back and it made a marked difference in how I felt. It feels good to take pride in what I eat. </p><p></p><p><a href="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/543153_10151547407125708_1785104058_n.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/543153_10151547407125708_1785104058_n.jpg?width=355" width="355" class="align-right" alt="543153_10151547407125708_1785104058_n.jpg?width=355" /></a></p><p>I've also done the Master Cleanse. It was intense! The first time I did the warm salt water flush in the morning I TOTALLY lost my Kool-Aid. But after a couple of days I actually came to enjoy how I felt from it, despite the umm... after effects of a body flush like that.</p><p></p><p>Coming back to eating solid food again after 10 days was weird! I never thought the sensation of eating food would feel foreign to me. Yet it took less than two whole weeks, lol.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line: Living in a state of conscious awareness and in communication with my body has brought my intention and intuitiveness to a whole new level.</p><p></p><p>I feel proud to be the Creator that I AM.</p><p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/BootesSeed">Add me on Facebook</a> and tell me what YOU'RE proud of!</p><p></p><p>Check out this PHENOMENAL example of being in touch with your body!</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-CR7S-gMFY" target="_blank">A video of AMAZING Body movement.</a></p></div>
Rope Free...!!!
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/rope-free
2012-09-14T19:23:06.000Z
2012-09-14T19:23:06.000Z
Anupriya Srivastava
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/members/AnupriyaSrivastava
<div><p>You are not telling me what to do... you are holding me with a rope tied around my neck and the more you decide for me (how I should look, walk, eat , talk, whom I should be friends with, what should I let them call me..), the more painful your grip becomes...</p><p> </p><p>With each decision of your love and protection, you steal a bit of life from me... With each horrible word that you use to MAKE me UNDERSTAND because I am "dumb"... you suffocate me...</p><p>And not long after, I lose consciousness... My soul sleeps a deep sleep... Its afraid to see what has become of me…</p><p> </p><p>I become a puppet in your hands:</p><p>You say slap him, I slap him...</p><p>You say , shout at him, I shout at him...</p><p>You say , send a message of hate to her, I send a message of hate to her...</p><p>You say , beat the dog , I beat the dog...</p><p>You say , beat the dog harder , I beat the dog harder...</p><p>You say, leave your sister, I leave my sister...</p><p>You say, move away from relatives, I move away from relatives...</p><p> </p><p>With each agreement I make with you, you become more merciless... as if testing when my soul will break...</p><p> </p><p>But my soul has left me... to find a peaceful place to rest. I am alone... no one to rescue me...</p><p> </p><p>But then one day you strangle our dog...bringing back my soul from deep sleep... the protector , the mother in me wants to kill you... Wants to suck the life out of you... for torturing an innocent and loving animal... that you love more than me... But I love you… I hit you with my hands, it does not hurt you, I ask you to let me leave the house… you don’t… You want me to see this torture… This show is for me…!!!</p><p> </p><p>My soul asks me this question - "He loves that dog more than you... and he can still torture the dog, without even feeling a little bit sad ...doing the act as if he was carrying on the job of god himself... something sacred..., then what will he do with you? Is he doing the same with you? Torturing you to teach you a lesson? Is this what you wanted? Is he worth all this?"</p><p> </p><p>And my soul rests again, putting those questions in my mind... but not giving me strength to leave you...You are supposedly my protector...my lover...</p><p>How can I leave you... who will protect me? Who will love me? Whom will I love? I cry, you become ignorant of my cries... I know this... But I don't cry for you... I cry because of my cowardice... my helplessness... I wish there was something that I could do... I have tried talking to you, loving you, hitting you and leaving you... nothing works... I always come back to you...</p><p> </p><p>There are days, when you shout at me on phone and I go to the my house’s kitchen, thinking to end my life... Thinking -“Enough - I cant leave him and I cant live with him... There is only one solution...</p><p>Death... Death will end it all... Death will give me peace... It will teach him a lesson...”</p><p>But my sister is soundly sleeping in the next room... What will happen to her, when she finds my burnt body in the morning... or my distorted body on the floor of the building... Why should she suffer because of my cowardice?</p><p>No... I cant kill myself... I need to gather up the courage to leave him... to be not afraid of him...!!!</p><p> </p><p>Today again you are shouting at me... everyday its a new thing that I did wrong... yesterday I left the food packet open, today I am choosing bad and ugly curtains because my taste is becoming rotten like my soul...</p><p> </p><p>I stop listening to you... I gather up all the courage I have... I am not listening... I know you are still shouting at me, in the middle of a mall... In front of everyone... but i have got used to this... I know these people will soon disappear.... and I will have to deal with you and you alone...</p><p> </p><p>I am still gathering courage... asking my soul to help... My soul is not there to help me, its sleeping... I am alone...</p><p> </p><p>“But I can't ... No I can't live with him... No I just can't....” I keep hearing these words from inside me... but these words are not coming out... I am not saying them...</p><p> </p><p>Now I can literally see these words floating in the air, right next to your face... But I am not saying it...</p><p> </p><p>You ask me something ... I try to listen... but I don’t know what you are asking... I just blurt out... "I don't want to be with you anymore"</p><p> </p><p>You dont react, you pick the curtains... no not the ones i picked...reminding me that my taste is rotten, like me.</p><p> </p><p>You take my hand and the curtains as if we both are your objects… and move towards the cash counter… I am thinking… “Good , he has not heard what I said… Good… I don’t need to be afraid…”</p><p> </p><p>Then you ask me once we are in the line at the cash counter “What did you mean?”</p><p>I start trembling inside… You heard it … Now what? Will I lie? Will I tell the truth and escape…? There was not much time… You shouted a little… What??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN???</p><p> </p><p>I blurted out the same words - "I don't want to be with you anymore"</p><p> </p><p>You keep quiet… I knew you are thinking something… I am hoping that you will say “WHY?” “What did I do wrong?”and I will heal you… I will give you more love and I will make more sacrifices, if that’s what it takes to make you understand my love… I am hoping… you will be shocked… I am hoping you will say “Please don’t leave me. I will not live with out you” And I will see hope in my relationship with you…</p><p> </p><p>But when you open your mouth… Only hell comes out… You say “If you want to leave, leave… But always remember that you are doing this break up… you will be blamed for our break up”</p><p> </p><p>I lose all hope… I started crying… I knew this was the end…I had lost my lover… But there was also happiness but it was not visible to me just yet….</p><p> </p><p>I left the mall… and as I was walking away from you… my crying diminished… I felt as if my soul was healing itself… like broken bones getting fixed on its own… just by my moving away from you… At one point, my crying stopped completely…</p><p> </p><p>Now I hear a voice… over my right shoulder, like a whisper… “I am proud of you”</p><p>I turn my head from side to side… I see no one else… I realize its my soul talking to me … I have missed this voice for 2 years… my soul is awake now…with me… re-united with me… I am so happy… I go to celebrate my freedom with my favorite “Pani Puri”.</p><p> </p><p>And I thought to myself – “You just broke up a 5 year old relationship and you are eating Pani Puri? Whats wrong with you?”</p><p>A voice came again : “Nothing …I am just rope free now…!!!”</p><p> </p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>In the honor of strong women – who suffer both emotional and physical torture, because they fear of being alone…who think that they are not strong enough to face the world and face the people...But Who find the true courage hidden inside them…Sooner or later…And break the rope and free themselves…</p><p> </p><p>To every man and woman : Live a rope free life… Nothing is worth that rope :)</p><p> </p><p>Love to all :)</p></div>
The Alchemy of Relationship - by Tom Kenyon
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/the-alchemy-of-relationship-by-tom-kenyon
2012-06-06T14:58:26.000Z
2012-06-06T14:58:26.000Z
Ravenwallsdotter
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/members/Ravenwallsdotter
<div><p>This article was taken from the Magdalen Manuscript (ORB Communications).</p><p>Many of us do relationships the way we play poker. We do everything possible to get the upper hand. And if that fails, we bluff. We pretend to hold cards we don’t have. We cheat. We lie.</p><p>And while this is the model for many a relationship in our post modern era, it is not the model for Sacred Relationship as described in the Manuscript.</p><p>Let me be very up front here. Sacred Relationship is not for everyone. In fact, I suspect that there are far fewer persons capable or even willing to undertake it than there are those who prefer to play emotional card games.</p><p>This type of relationship demands utmost honesty both with oneself and with one’s partner. Instead of hiding our cards, we lay them all out on the table. All our hopes, all our fears, all our petty and jealous thoughts, all our conniving: all of it gets laid out in the clear light of awareness for our partner to see. And he or she must do the same. It will not work if there are back doors unlocked with mental escape in mind. It will not work if both partners are not absolutely impeccably honest with each other.</p><p>And the reason for this radical type of honesty is that without it, the Alchemy of Relationship cannot take place. Now this may be a new term to many, even students of internal alchemy, since the dynamics of intimate relationship are rarely discussed in the four major alchemical streams (Egyptian, Taoist, Yoga Tantra and Buddhist Tantra).</p><p>So I think it might be good to define what I mean here, and to lay some type of foundation. Like all types of alchemy, this type of work is about changing one form into another. The form, in this case, is the inter-dynamics that have become habituated between two people. After a while, people tend to get into ruts. The liveliness that existed at the beginning of the relationship begins to fade. Both people become more or less unconscious. The harsh reality is that it takes continual vigilance and effort to keep a relationship conscious and alive.</p><p>Many relationships drop by the wayside because the partners are either unwilling or unable to make the efforts required to sustain them. Instead of experiencing the newness of each moment within the relationship, a kind of dullness seeps in over time; what used to be exciting is now boring. And worse, a kind of psychological and emotional lethargy sets in, and both partners succumb to the dulling effects of unconsciousness.</p><p>This type of unconsciousness is a death knell to psychological awareness and insight; and although it is rarely mentioned, this type of unconsciousness has a negative effect on one’s spiritual life as well.</p><p>So the form that needs to be changed within a relationship is literally the form of interactions that habitually take place between the two partners.</p><p>Like all types of alchemy, there must be a container for the reactions to occur. And in this case, it is the container of safety and appreciation that provides the reservoir for transformation.</p><p>If there is a lack of safety or appreciation, this type of alchemy cannot be undertaken. And if you have decided you wish to try this type of alchemy in your relationship, I suggest you do an analysis first. Honestly assess if you feel safety and appreciation in your relationship. If you don’t, you will be wasting your time trying to undertake this type of alchemy with your current partner. I suggest you focus your efforts, instead, on the solitary practices mentioned in the Manuscript. If you still want to give it a try, get your partner to talk about these feelings of danger and lack of appreciation that you are feeling. Only if and when they get resolved, should you consider taking on this type of alchemy.</p><p>So now we have two of the three elements needed for alchemy: something to be transformed (the habitual patterns of interaction) and the container (the safety net, if you will, of the relationship itself). A third element is needed; and that is, of course, energy to drive the reaction. There is usually plenty of energy in relationships in the form of neurotic patterns, hopes, fears, and desires. We’ll get to those in a moment, but for now I want to talk about steel.</p><p>Our psychological selves are much like swords made from steel alloys. They have been forged in the hot searing foundry of our childhood, in the formative pressures of our early experiences. It is this early period of life that bonds the elements of our psyches together. And like steel, this was done under immense heat and pressure. Some of us were abused by overbearing or downright hostile or even destructive parents. Some of us were left to our own devices without any kind of support or guidance. And every kind of parental/child relationship falls in between these two polarities. The possibilities of childhood pressures are virtually endless, and so too are the psychological alloys that result from these types of experiences.</p><p>There is a lot of talk about the child within in many personal growth groups, and while there is certainly value in making contact with this younger self, it is not always pretty. Our cultural myth is that childhood is a time of innocence, a time in which everything is right with the world. For some children this is true; for many it is definitely not.</p><p>I remember being at a fellow therapist’s house for a party quite a few years ago. Most of the adults were practicing therapists, psychologists or psychiatrists. I had plopped myself in a big oversized sofa, and, sipping my Pepsi, I noticed a remarkable event. One of the therapists had brought his son and his son’s best friend to the party. It was clear that the two boys were buds. They were playing some kind of card game and respectfully giving each other a turn. There were no attempts at cheating, and they seemed to be in a bubble of camaraderie.</p><p>Then the boy’s father came into the room and asked both kids if they needed anything. They both looked up with cherub faces and smiled. No they said, in the cutest little boy voices. The father patted his son on the back, and as he walked off, he nonchalantly patted his son’s friend on the back as well. For a moment, his son looked at the incident in abject horror. You could see that he could not believe his eyes. And then as his father turned the corner into the other room, his son pulled back and hit his best friend in the face!</p><p>This was not childhood innocence. This was childhood rage. He was not willing to share affections from his father, not even with his best friend. This type of jealousy is typical of higher mammals, and we are, for all our self-righteous self-congratulatory delusions, still mammals. No matter how high we get spiritually, we will, for as long as we live, share traits with our mammalian brothers and sisters.</p><p>The inner life of a child is often far different than those around him or her imagine it to be. Surrounded by both dangers and opportunities, the psychological life of a child is directly shaped by how he or she chooses to deal with them. Whether it is something as life threatening as a deranged parent or a child molester, or seemingly innocuous as whom to go to the prom with, does not in some ways matter. While the impact of fighting for one’s life may very well imprint a child’s behavior well into adulthood, the little decisions of life, like who to socialize with or not, also have impact. All these major and minor decisions create internal psychological heat and pressure. The alloys of one’s personality get bonded together or burned away. The sword has been tempered by the time we reach adulthood, and the alloy of our personalities has been set.</p><p>Some of us emerge from this childhood foundry with rock hard edges; others of us are blunt. Some of us hold our edges, and some of us can never seem to hold anything.</p><p>The thing about steel is that it tends to remain in its original form once it leaves the foundry. And one of the few things that can ever re-configure the alloy is if the steel gets as hot as it did when it was first formed.</p><p>In the alchemical work of Sacred Relationship, we voluntarily put ourselves back in the foundry. The heat that arises between two people when their neuroses rub against each other can get quite intense. If both people can find the courage to be radically honest with themselves and with each other in these searing moments, the psychological alloys can be altered. A new type of aliveness then enters the relationship fueled by the energy of psychological truth.</p><p>The thing is–most of us will do almost anything to avoid psychological heat. When we get uncomfortable, many of us get the hell out of Dodge. Now for some of us this means literally packing up and getting out of town, or at least out of sight. For some of us it means that we are physically present, but no longer emotionally present. We numb up. We become automatons. We move and talk, almost like normal, but we have retreated far, far inside. Others of us numb ourselves with alcohol or drugs. And some of us do it with television. We humans are, after all, quite clever and creative. We can find all sorts of ways to avoid facing ourselves. In fact, they are far too numerous for me to list here. But I suspect you get the idea. I guess the real question here is this–what do you do when things get psychologically too hot for your taste? What do you do when you are on the verge of feeling something that you don’t want to feel?</p><p>For those in Sacred Relationship such feelings are a call to presence. It is a time to be radically honest, and for both partners to express their true feelings no matter how embarrassing or scary they might be. By speaking their truths to each other, an enlivening element enters the dynamic. Psychological honesty results in psychological insight. And with insight there is hope for awareness, and with awareness there can be change.</p><p>This chapter is hardly a manual for the Alchemy of Relationship. It’s mainly, I think, a warning. Magdalen alluded to this in the Manuscript. She called it obscurations to flight. That sounds wonderfully exotic doesn’t it? Well, it isn’t very exotic when the obscuration is clearly in your face. And it isn’t very exotic feeling when the foundry of the relationship gets so hot that you feel you are dissolving (psychologically that is). It takes courage and fortitude to stay in the foundry when the heat begins to weaken the stability of one’s self-perceived image. Few of us care to look foolish, scared, petty or jealous. And we will often go through elaborate means to hide these feelings from ourselves or others.</p><p>But in Sacred Relationship these things invariably float to the surface like mud that has been stirred up from the bottom of a barrel. The thing is to realize that this does not mean you are doing it (Sacred Relationship) wrong; it means that you are probably doing it right. As Magdalen said in the Manuscript, the power of the alchemy extrudes, or pushes out, the dross. This can be fascinating when the dross is being pushed out of your partner, but it is truly horrific when it extrudes out of you.</p><p>What makes Sacred Relationship sacred is that it is truly a holy way of being. The root of the word holy actually means to make whole. So… when we do something that creates wholeness (in this case psychological wholeness), we are engaged in a sacred or holy act.</p><p>In the crucible of mutual safety, honesty and appreciation, it is possible to forge a new kind of self. This new self is psychologically more honest, more aware and freer than its counterpart before entering the foundry of relationship. And like the phoenix that arises from its own ashes, this self has wings. It can fly places that it could only imagine before.</p><p>There are mysteries here, and treasures that await those who have the courage to enter the depths of themselves and their partners. It is not, as I said, for everyone. You will probably know if you are a likely candidate because you will feel it in your soul, your heart.</p><p>If you enter this path, know that there are no manuals. There is precious little guidance out there. The path to spirituality has traditionally been one of solitude. And while times of solitude may be necessary for those in Sacred Relationship, something has turned. They agree to walk the path to godhood together, side by side, through both heaven and hell, through the brilliant summits where all things are suddenly crystal clear, and through the dark valley of psychological death where it is hard to even see one’s foot in front of the other. And yet through the darkness of not knowing, a deep primordial force begins to rise up. It requires an unusual type of holy trinity – three things for it to do its most holy task- mutual safety, psychological honesty and appreciation of the Beloved.</p><p>Have a good journey!</p><p></p><p>© 2012 Tom Kenyon. All rights reserved.<br />You may make copies of this message and distribute it in any media as long as you change nothing, do not charge for it, credit the author, and include this complete copyright notice and web address.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://tomkenyon.com/alchemyofrelationship" target="_blank">Source: http://tomkenyon.com/alchemyofrelationship</a></p></div>
Empathy and toxic relationships from my experience
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/empathy-and-toxic-relationships-from-my-experience
2011-11-01T16:07:48.000Z
2011-11-01T16:07:48.000Z
mevyn
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/members/mevyn
<div>Oh man was I shaken up by this recent argument with one of my "toxic" relationship. It's hard considering they are from your family, but the negativity was electric. It was awful. Every time I get into the same argument with the same person and the same underlying message, I try to point it out in a the nicest way possible. Though it often gets lost because people are so irrational when angry and while I want to understand why they were acting so hostile towards me, I know I must protect myself. We usually never reach agreement on the other side, I mean it's easier to get a hippo to agree in moving out of the waterhole then this person. Common courtesy is also out the window with this person as well. It just kind of bums me out that I am always the punching bag and people lay their crap to my doorstep. The more understanding and "happier" or positive I become, the greater the degree of anger, sadness, or what have you comes to me. I know that they aren't my emotions, but I am still an empath after all so it made it hard for me to stay stable. I basically ran from the room and went to my room because they were just too negative for me to handle. Now they are acting like it's nothing while just the other night, yelling in my face and attacking me as a person was going strong. It really leaves me confuse about how some people can be like that. I have no control over them and so I just deal with my hurt and that's it. I promised myself prior to this situation that I will no longer let stuff like this get to me., oh irony. Obviously, I was really hurt by how it went down. There's pretty much nothing I can do about their reactions. I choose to take out of this that I need to live and let live. Let them be who they are because confrontation is never good for people who are set in their rightness. Not everyone warrants my time and gentle care. Toxic relationships when we can't get away from them we should emotionally distant ourselves as a means of self-preservation. It wouldn't be fair to myself to keep subjecting myself to such a thing when it gets nowhere. I've tried my hardest and all I can do is pray about it. I trust that in time, I will move pass and the other person either leaves my life or takes their pain somewhere else. It's not dump your trash day on me anymore. I am not responsible for their pain and though I want to help it's not possible for this person. I'm going to kick these toxic relationship to the curb. No more. I've had enough of it.<br /><br />Another note to empaths, don't try defending another person's wrongful actions towards you. An empath can care too much you know to the point of neglecting yourself. It's not fair to yourself if you give excuses for why the other person is throwing all their negative venom your way. It's kind of similar to domestic abuse situations. Don't use that victim mentality either it just hinders your growth. We all want to play the blame game whether it's towards someone else or on ourselves. You don't deserve such treatments and there is no excuse you can find for it. Move on and let it go. Just hold onto your peace of mind and walk away from it with understanding not avoidance.<br /></div>
And it hurt so bad....
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/profiles/blogs/and-it-hurt-so-bad
2011-11-01T15:00:00.000Z
2011-11-01T15:00:00.000Z
mevyn
https://www.ashtarcommandcrew.net/members/mevyn
<div><p>After every high point, there comes a low point. I had an outrageous and almost electric argument with one of my family member. I was so hurt and not angry only extremely sad. It was over something stupid, but the argument point out as so many arguments have pointed out to me. It just hurt so bad that I needed to draw on the power of God. I wanted to keep myself from shaking and every memory of argument just flooded my spirit. When we argue with someone close to us it always a very painful experience. After the terrible storm, there comes a serenity. Usually, I would have reacted differently and while I handle it better than before I still have a long ways to go. I guess I have extreme karma with this person. I just wanted to understand what was the real problem. We project out to the world and sometimes an individual like me acts as a mirror. I don't know what it is about me that brings this about, but perhaps I transmute the negativity eventually into positivity. Basically, my brother was pointing out and attacking my character. When someone does this to us it's usually that they see the flaw in themselves. They are using you as a mirror for their troubles. For me being on the receiving end, I was quite hurt. It shouldn't have escalated to that level of negativity which leads me to believe that I've regressed, but I prayed long and hard. I prayed God to just hold these feelings for a moment while I collect myself. I know that this was an opportunity for me to see. I saw too many things to write. It may feel sometimes that we've regressed by the way we handle our daily life. As for me, it was truly eye opening. I'm still hurting, but I will be okay. I will walk in the valley even if the water rises above my head. This is one of those moment where faith can really just move you along. From my experience, it hurts so bad because of the karmic relationship dissolving. I didn't want to assign blame or victimized myself. I wanted to get deep down where all the negativity was coming from. I haven't found the source and I can tell you that even as I type this, this calmness that I feel is with great work with the Source. I can't do this by myself and we shouldn't try to. If this happens to you find your power, walk away from the hurt, let it go, and have faith in the workings of the universe.</p><p> </p><p>Edit*</p><p>Some people tend to get so preachy with this stuff. Okay, somethings need to be felt and dealt with. Perhaps this person is reflecting me as I was. Regardless there are some lessons that we as individual have to learn by ourselves. We should not interfere in this case though we may want to. I've spent all my life dealing with the person about matters and each time I've been on the receiving end of seemingly irrational attacks that have nothing to do with the situation at hand. I try to chew these events over and over and I'm not going to take it anymore. I am not going out of anger or sadness. Merely I am putting my foot down for what is acceptable and not for me. I will not and should not have to subject myself to this kind of lashing. This person merely uses me and then drains me of my positivity then the next day I see them they act as if nothing has happen. They unleash their fears and anger on me, doing as they please and not caring if I am hurting or not, while every chance I get I have tried to see why and understand their perspective. I am tired of trying to see the point to their actions. In life, we will be met with such opposition. I wish him the best I really do, but I will not have my life going this way anymore and maybe this time this argument has brought to my attention that a little self-esteem is overdue and the way we were carrying on is not right. We want to spread peace and love I get it. I get the idea of advancing consciousness, but this is the shadow. The shadow that needs to be dealt with. You cannot ignore the actions of another when it is detrimental to your growth and theirs. I have no retaliation and been looking inwards to see. I will not remain apathetic about these things nor paint them as something they're not. There's a reality that needs to be change and I will do my best to change it.</p></div>