This last months it has been a place of dogmatic religions, and fear imposed, judgmental behaviours.
A nauseating mist of legal issues and materialistic crap, which is most of what I've experienced since I was born, despite this world being an infinite of experiences, some beautiful and loving beyond thought.
The lower self has been painful for quite a while. But today it was like taking a peek beyond this dense mantle. I was struck by a wave, which made my conscience orbitate outside and around my physical axis, literally.
Like an immense horizon, my eyes clear. Well being for the first time in a long while.
Feeling light and fast.
Mind you, no purpose yet, but I can breathe now..
The issue involves believing myself this memories, although damaged, this is still a game of experience.
Neglecting the self because it hurts.
Something disconcerting is that despite trauma, I still remain, or at least a part of me, completely whole.
Such aspect is playful towards both polarities, those known as "darkness" and "light" So both behavioral patterns seemingly become one. Without judgmental division driven by fear, which often results in the creation of compulsive characters, much like a religious person which clings onto aspects of innocence, as always out of fear of self.
Personal insecurities and such.
A charade which either they can't realize, or they don't want to. Everything to cover up for something else, which deeply hurts them inside. So they choose this form of ignorance instead.
I was acting the part as well. So I decided to dismantle both, myself and my personal truth. Soon I discovered how negative memories acted like a veil upon my full potential. Damage isn't real, much like an illusion, it disappears.
"Stop" I said. I was acting out of pain, and it turned out detrimental to my personal experience.
"So you bring all to me, now" I whispered to the cosmological alignment and stars, with nothing else besides a mischievous smile.
What do you know? Everything solves by itself without me lifting a finger. Like a magnet, all sort of thing seem attracted to my personal manifestation.
Fun times abound.
You seem to have a 'magically meandering' way of expressing yourself in words, my friend... Refreshingly, not 'of the norm'... : )
It was my ego, once again making me believe all is fine, and damage isn't real. Yet behind it resides the inner child, damaged as if it was today.
A layer of frequency, it overlaps on top of that of heart.
It disables my emotional body, that's the reason why I don't feel hurt anymore, but I can't feel anything at all, nor differentiate between what's correct and not.
That's the main symptom.
So all is left is ths wild, incoherent personality, which acts like a jester.
Well, that's that. And damage IS real.
At least now I know, and can disable it as soon as it kicks in, so my soul remains genuine. And not bipolar anymore.
Damaged, but true to itself, always true.