What would be a good solution or a good way to efectively take care of
a self inflicted internal war.
A never ending fight or sabotage from the inside out?
I call it a war for it is beond the once in a while criticism of the inner critic,
we are in a total grip of self destruction, where there seems no way out and no rest at all.
So what would be the answer?
To take out this anger and extreme negative feeling of total failure.
It does seem to eminate from childhood past and is now blown out of proportion in a adult state.
I would not dare to call it a depresion more a active way past due clean-up of past garbage that was introduced in sutch a violent way it seems to come out in the same violent way it came in.
So some intell from you guys would be verry welcome, please note that i am beyond words,
This situacion calls for some kind of action, in a efective way.
This means i am also beyond going into endless searching for the right terapy or others.
This is a call for the right and most effective way of dealing with this so that there might be a fast recovery and no delusional hidings are posible.
Like they say take the Bull by the horns would be a good way to put it.
Note that i am aware that this right on going for it might actually be my major problem so
feel free to comment on that to.
Replies
so glad to see you're working THROUGH it, whatever "it" may be ;-)
the word that came to me reading your post was 'embrace'... I know, I too have been thru similar struggles until I realized that I'm only ONE person... how can I really be at war with myself? As you take that 'Bull by the horns' as you say, why not 'love it to death' :D ... as Goddess has said, journaling can be really helpful to clear out the 'noise' along the way but keep in mind that what you are dealing with is part of you in this moment at least, and instead of arguing or feeling you need to defend yourself against it, try to listen to what it has to say... there may be a great gift in its message, something you would actually be very comfortable accepting as part of yourself... and embracing.
even if it's actually rooted in your present environment as may be the case, Indigo, that will reveal itself in the journal dialogue so get yourself a good pen (or six :p) and a fresh pad of paper and consciously set out to put an end to the war, no matter how long it may take by diplomatically listening to both sides as they present themselves, identifying the source(s), and resolving this apparent conflict once and for all.
I can see and appreciate your honesty and feel that is your greatest strength in putting this behind you.
there is only One... rise above ;-) peace ^o^
"Destiny is by choice einstein, We are in control - not as if we are helpless caught up in some tide like we have no control - just for changing our name!" So if you ARE in control, WHY was it necessary for you to change your name?? Why not just keep your name and TAKE control of your life and YOUR destiny??
AND, if you knew anything about me, you would know that I don't trust what is written in the bible, as that book has been written and re-written by sooo many over the centuries and changed to suit their own little control structures!!!
If you understood what I wrote about your friendship with Cedric and not just read it from a narrow minded perspective then you would have understood it better from the analogy that you wrote! That little 2 line response was meant as a joke to what you had written. I deleted my comments because somehow, unbeknownst to me, you took offence to what I had said and that is why I deleted them, so as not to offend any other "naroow minded" individual who comes to a site like this to discuss and find out about apparent expanded awareness & consiousness and finds it too difficult to even step out of their own little "box"
The mere fact that i want to get back on track makes it posible for me to have a keen mind and i process large amounts of info in short periods of time.
As i have mentioned before i moved a year ago to Puerto Rico, and even if this is a tropical island it is not in fact paradise.
This inner war i am going through seems to be related to this island and the way people are here.
Having re-read about my Indigo nature has opened my eyes on my major problem.
The population of this island is a mix of diff cultures Spanish-afrikan-indian.
They are for 99% religious and at least 80% of them fanaticaly...(at least in my point of view)
So here is the key to my major struglle right now that i came to see this morning.
Being a Indigo person i have a verry dificult time with lies.
This is why i am at war with myself for i am under presure to change myself into being more Puerto Rican so i can live better in conection with them.
The problem is the lies they produce 24/7...with their religions and with the fact that most of them are not who they send out to be.( i am in no way judging here,for i can understand that this island has its history of abuse and miss-understandings)
I explain...2 days ago i had a problem with a acquaintance of mine and 2 of her friends that eagerly came to her help and attacked me full blast.
She seems to be a nice person at first glance the problem is she is a botox face with fake breasts and she does her upmost best to flatten her afrikan curls.
I do not normaly pay atention to these things for everybody has the right to be what they want.
But it does bother me when this whole person is actually a whole lie.
So in my Indigo kind of way i can not help myself to mirror her problems back to her, with ofcourse the response full blown in my face.
For she will never admit she is what i mirror.
Now this is just 1 case for i get into trouble 24/7 no matter where i go or who i talk to.
So now my inner war is at a full attack because there is no way in my inner world that i will change into what they are.
I always thought that not being able to lie was a good thing...now for my own personal survival on this island i am wondering what to do.
This whole society is impreganted with anger-lies-deceptions and they even are proud of it for it is theirs and theirs only.
I can not seem to get myself to walk in it, or even work in it for everything here is lied about and for work it is all about politics and religion and where you fit in as a person.
Like if you know a important person you will get far,otherwise purely based on your merrits you will not get anywhere.
It might be that i was called to come here as being Indigo and that this is part of my work as a Indigo
but it shure is overwhelming to deal with this all by myself. Especially that my mirroring is realy getting me into problems and people are starting to get realy mean towards me.
I would drop it if i could but it seems to come from deep inside this mirorring things to people and i can't help it.
It is also a struglle for i do not do this out of anger or being bad at the contrary it is more out of a general knowing and loving kind of being.
So this feeling of lonelyness and mis understanding in a huge general way out of being un-able to deal with the over powering hugeness of all this is getting me into a raging inner war that is splitting me into pieces.
So this is in short what i have understood this morning on what is eating me lately.
Try Diplomacy.
You have a war raging on inside. Different factions vying for power and control over something and you are stuck in the middle of it. Get these parties together and see what they want and work out some kind of solution thats good for all,including you. Arrange a meeting,invite all these internal foes,put funny costumes on them,get them all together and see if you cant come to a gentlemans agreement.
There is a nasty part of me that does not want to forgive, and this is not directed to others but to myself.
The mere fact that it is internal makes it even harder and i have no real protection against this.
I agree that this stuff is old garbage and that i am longing deeply for a total shift.
I am aware that it will happen,and i look forward to it, still the inner war is at its fullest and it is wearing me down.
I could see a change of scenery as a help to deal with this but i seem to think that this is way past scene changing help.
For i see this problem has traveled with me for years no matter where i am.
This is not my first dark night of the soul, but it shure is the biggest one.
And the diff between this one and the others is that i am going through it without any help or understanding from others.
I am known to myself and others as being a no-in-between person, meaning i always go extreme for there seems to be no use for half things
I know surrender is key, still i do not recognise to what i am supossed to surrender.....
-
1
-
2
-
3
of 3 Next