I dreamed of my perfect match True-Love who had abandoned me over a month ago now. I dream we talk where she is sitting down looking down and I am kneeling over at her looking her in the eye pleading with her. Her face morphs into the difference faces of other women i have known in the past, but it is her. In the dream i can feel confirmation that she is my true Love Match who i should be with. I think it means all the woman i have known in past was me looking for her in those women. I am not positive. We have been talking in dreams. One more detail to help interpretation: Even in dreams i tell her i cannot lose her and talk to her about us, and shes sort of in agreement yet elusive and looking down at the same time, as if i am Half-reaching her.
End Dream description, now talking about waking life:
Another detail is that even though she dumped me under dastardly circumstances for another man, she is NOT a sociopath. trust me, i cant get into the details of why, but she is not a sociopath like others i have known. She became suppressed somehow. I had an OBE one week before she dumped me, where her voice told me the phrase: "Massive Heart Failure" and it wasnt in my head, it was outloud in the air next to my astral body floating. It was ultra vivid. One more detail to add is that I feel great Love for her even though you are about to see what i experience as a result of all this.
----Warning Great Suffering is describe below this line, dont read on if you dont want to see it----- I give that disclaimer and apologize for this truth (ask for reading at bottom):
Since she abandoned me i am still very ill, profoundly ill. Severe problems eating solid food and bed-ridden. profound despair that exceeds that of the 3 deaths of my immediate family who i lived with growing up.. which the 3 deaths occurred throughout the 90s. Loss of her is more pain than the death of my immediate family i experienced. This is not by choice. And all things tried have no effect.
She was the only person I ever related to in terms of adequate-or-above relating to another human being. All other people i have ever known in my life were inadequate amount of common wavelength and relating-degree. She still says i know her better than anyone even after dumping me.We had perfect Love with no arguments before she abandoned me instantly with no prior warning signs.
I am the only child of my father. My father and I were closer than the average father and son, and lived together with just us for the last 5 years of his life. Even so i have a stronger-than-family bond with my Love who left me. My father committed suicide when i was 16, and as bad as that was, it was easier on me than the loss of my true-Love
To know One's Love thinks they would be better off without you to improve their pleasure & happiness, is the most horrid thing. The way i experience this i am not sure anyone could ever understand. It causes extreme terror and illness that is far beyond all the other many disasters and traumas of my life. Its a shame doctors & medications make it worse. Terror is really something. I didn't know true terror until she left me. The kind of terror that makes you lose the full control of your bladder and shake on the floor.
its been over a month and Im shaky and dysfunctional as i type this message. I have to rely on supplements and very light foods or high calorie liquids and protein powders. I do not experience loss the same way others do. Although my stomach is always nervous, My last bout of Nausea was as recently as a few hours ago. I experience no recovery with time. Letting go, not letting go, asking for help, asking angels, this or that, no effect at all. Basically i cannot move around much and am bed ridden still. Going to store for supplies, o goodness, that is terror, and the store is next door, i cannot drive a car at all.
Anyone give readings? This soul is in need of one. I'm still waiting for my own tarot deck to come in the mail. Any psychics in the house. I apologize you just read a post of intense suffering. The damnest thing is, for 16 years i have been using violet flame, positive affirmations, all kinds of spirituality and alchemy, and the most positive efforts you can think of. My relationship with her was 2010 - 2012 and before 2010 i met with one disaster after another even through all this alchemy and positive affirmation and meditation. By the way, one more detail for you to know is that we had a telepathic link before meeting and shes into spirituality, disclosure and the paranormal completely. Another detail is that we both used the same words during relations, She always called me perfect and Love of her life to the day she dumped me. I am always open to PMs, but email notification will alert me when people reply to this post anyway.
Replies
Fine. End of discussion.
Well, first off.... I CONCUR 100% with your final paragraph. I think that any person operating from logic has to admit that the chances of humanity evolving to a place of universal compassion and generosity, any time soon (in the next century) has succumbed to wishful thinking. However, after reading the Urantia Book (not all of which I believe) I learned that every once in a while, every few thousand years or many more, a mutation occurs that substantially upgrades the physicality and mental and spiritual states of humanity. I guess I do hold out for something of that nature to happen in my lifetime. Chances are extremely slim, I know, but I do contemplate them. In my mind there is little that is impossible, and a whole big bunch that is improbable.
Secondly, you think I'm playing chess with you. You are too bright not to realize that I could make the same accusation against you. But in fact I'll only say we are equals in the intellectual arena. However, I'm asking questions of you in order to more fully understand from where you are coming emotionally. Even if I succeed in understanding this, it won't mean that I can totally grasp your emotional state. It won't ever mean that I can feel as you feel. I was born with a different set of genes for starters, and one of them I call my "optimistic" gene. It is virtually impossible for me to remain in a place of pessimism for long, whereas you are my polar opposite in this, or so I currently believe. You'll correct me if I'm wrong.
There are people on this site who would tell you that I am a straight-shooter. There are others who would describe me disdainfully as an 'intellectual'. They would both be correct. So here I go, shooting from the hip again.
You have decided (based on evidence and experience, no doubt) that good things cannot ever happen to you. I don't believe that, but it doesn't matter what I believe, what matters is what you believe. I could tell you that I find tremendous joy in the scent of a flower, or the song of bird (both statements are completely true) but I cannot tell you that you can find joy in these things also. You may not have arrived on this planet genetically equipped to find a deep sense of joy in simple things.
What I feel I do know about you is that, like virtually every other human since time immemorial, you have known the immense joy of falling in love, and are now suffering from the intense pain of a broken relationship. When we meet someone we believe to be 'the one' we begin to plan our futures with he or she in it. When he or she puts an end to our plans, they rob us of our very lives, having robbed us of our dreams and hopes, our plans and possibilities. No human being in his right mind can take that lying down. The pain is simply too much. It overwhelms and leaves us emotionally inert.
That said, I have had two other people close to me in my life who were not able to find enough positivism in the 'day-to-day' stuff to make life worth living at all, and so they gave it up. I accepted a long time ago that this is the only choice for some. I do not judge them, as many might; I merely hope that in a new body in the a new realm, they are now able to find a degree of happiness.
I have also known some narcissists, including my own brother. Narcissists, I have learned, often threaten suicide but never follow through with it, at least not in my personal experience. So far, I cannot tell if you are suicidal or a narcissist, and indeed, you may not be either. If you are a narcissist, you are not likely to know that you are; such is the nature of narcissism. You are also likely to condemn me, blame me, and write me off as one more useless person you don't need in your life. So be it.
So, we are done with niceties, but I still have more questions. Why did you post what you posted originally? Was it a genuine cry for help? Or was it an opportunity to attract someone who will agree with all you say, while you in turn disagree with everything he or she says? I ask this because I don't have the time or the patience to help someone who doesn't genuinely want to improve his situation.
Ultimately, we make our own misery or happiness, of course. Granted, we all suffer setbacks, and we all hold pity parties, but then most of us dust ourselves off and start all over again. (music)
So... your next post will show me whether or not I want to continue with this discussion, because it will show me if you have any desire for happiness, or if you only enjoy complaining and looking for sympathy. If your objective is the latter, you won't hear from me again. If you believe that I might have something of value to offer to help you through this difficult time ahead, I'l respond.
Namaste.
Star Flower
So you have no hopes or dreams for the future?
Tone, Can you tell me a little more about yourself? Where you were born, how many siblings you have, and what you are doing today? (Going to college, working at a job you don't like, working at something you love?) Are you near family? What are your hobbies, or what hobbies would you like to have? I realize that if you are depressed you are not interested in any work or hobbies right now, so you might have to tell me what your ambitions were when you were younger, or before you met your 'True Love'.
You will probably never suffer from anything as great as this, you first heartbreak. You feel things very deeply, much deeper than the average person, so it will take you longer than the average person to come to terms with a tragedy of this kind.
525 emails since March 6th. That is a LOT of emails to someone who doesn't want to maintain a relationship. Can you understand that it is TOO MANY emails? They are probably pushing her further away. How would you feel if you received ten emails a day from someone you no longer wanted to hear from?
From what you have written, I suspect you have OCD. It is very difficult to be close to someone with OCD, just ask my husband. :) I laugh, but I am serious too. It is not easy for him and he IS a psychologist. Maybe I am completely wrong, and you do not do things obsessively, but most people don't change doctors 12 times in as many years, unless they are moving from city to city every year.
If I am correct, he best advice I can give, is for you to make your obsessive predisposition WORK FOR YOU. Choose something positive to be obsessive-compulsive about. That is what was suggested to me, and it has worked. I have several obsessions today, and they are all positive. They now produce things that are useful, or that make me feel good, instead of things that just furthered my misery. Of course, I didn't learn to do this overnight, it took me decades to get to the happiness level that I know today, but I was slow. I bet you can move from the place of misery and inertia a lot faster! I had my heart smashed to smithereens when I was barely 20. I was living alone in a new country and did not know many people. Fortunately, my roommate made me get up and shower every day, and after about 6 weeks I got to a place where I would shower without being told. I began doing things for myself again. It was a slow crawl at first, and all I really wanted to do was sleep, and I did a whole lot of sleeping, believe me. I honestly believe that sleep is a form of medication, it helps us to heal, even from emotional trauma, and that is why our bodies 'shut down'. Sooner or later we emerge again, we write an email on a social network site, we take a shower, we go for a walk, and slowly we regain our 'normalcy' and emotional health.
I will be here if you want to correspond. Share some of your hopes and dreams with me.
Star Flower
I am so sorry for your loss, or should I say her loss. You sound to me as a very special person and I am so sad for you feeling the way you do right now. I am sending healing prayers to you as I type and I just want to say to you to stay strong and don't ever stop believing in yourself. Sometimes things that we don't understand come at us for higher learning. Believe in yourself always and take good care of yourself. I have great faith that you will pull thru this and become a much stronger soul. Love and Light!
Tone, I got online just now primarily to check on you. I hope you are soon able to tell us that there has been an incremental improvement in your outlook. Are you by any chance Irish? Your name causes me to ask. ie Wolf Tone.
If you're Irish I'm going to quit worrying about you, coz I know how tough the Irish are, but if you're not Irish I would love to hear that you are coping for now, coz honestly... I'm worried that you don't have friends nearby who can help a little, make sure you eat and drink, etc. When I was deep in depression and only wanted to sleep, a friend came over and forced me to shower. she would not take 'no' for an answer. Now SHE was a friend indeed. I felt so much better after a shower and some lunch. Of course,I knew what was going to be the fist thing on my mind when I woke the next day! No wonder we want to stay asleep.
Dear Tone,
I have just read your post, or I would've replied sooner. Many of us have been where you are now---in deep clinical depression triggered by abandonment by your true love. All I can tell you is that very slowly things get better. If you have any friends or relatives nearby, let them know what you are going through. You will need help. You are in a state of shock because you did not see this coming. I must tell you however, that your higher self did see it coming, thus her voice saying "Massive Heart Failure".
please don't feel guilty at all. guilt can ruined life's... but only if you let them. sometime its great to get things off your chest and as the saying goes those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. you might get people who believe all negativity is bad , but i can a-sure you if we block it out altogether one day it will come back and smack us in the face hard. we all learn from negative events in our life more than the positive ones . and once you figure out the best frame of mind for yourself to deal with it. it makes you much stronger and wiser. x
there's always reasons deeper than on the surface to everyone and every situation! keep on questioning within and you may find the answer
i'm in tears after reading this post. i could not leave without sending you some good vibes. so all i have to say is i send you the deepest love from my heart and well wishes of loving positive energy that you can mend this. have you ever wrote down all your feelings for this lady? hand written is the best if possible? i do wish you all the best, lots of love dear one.