I know not all women do this, but sometimes I'll ask an innocent question like, "so do you live around here?" to make smalltalk and i regularly see women mention they have a husband straight away or not soon after. I study human behavior, and to me it's sometimes insulting. It's not their fault, mind you. But IT IMPLIES I CAN'T BE GENUINELY INTERESTED IN THEM AND/OR LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY AND THAT I'M ONLY INTERESTED IN THEIR BODIES. Which to me, makes me feel like they're looking at me like I'm some kind of perv. Not a decent man that can see their inner beauty. They make me feel like they're painting me as some slimy conman.
But the truth is, my whole life I've been unable to understand why making friendly comments or unconditionally loving comments seems to get twisted by their dirty minds into some message I'm not even trying to send. I've done so many things to show people i see past their bodies. I honestly don't think i could feel physically passionate about a women anymore unless i loved her before i loved her body. I don't understand this world sometimes, in so many ways, no matter how hard i try.
I've recently been presented with just how much a randy mind see's sex in everything, and i must tell you the experience was not enjoyable. I hope to recover from the state soon. I enjoyed self-induced bi-polar more than an overactive sexdrive. At least you're able to maintain consistent high and lows with that. And channel them into other useful things.
Why can't we just stay innocent and honest? Why do we have to even consider contributing towards the suffering of others, either directly or accidentally indirectly? I don't understand sometimes. I shall continue the psychology experiment and begin preparations to draw the spiritual side of psychology back towards the mental side of the experience so i can better translate it into words one day.
But i figured I'd share with all the other people that don't get some people either. At least we're weird together. That's ok too. It does make life interesting. I'll take a rest and see where we go from here, i think.
And if you read all that, you aren't so odd, now are you? I hope you enjoyed the rant, lol.
Thank you all for being so awesome. I'll be back tomorrow after a good healthy meal and some rest.
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It's really hard to make an innocent comment from the heart and not have people read into it when you become a philosopher. It's a blessing and a curse. I... just have to learn to be better at carrying the burden, i think. I feel dirty when i speak to people now, not from my thoughts, but theirs reflected at me. All the things that face through their mind when the fear wall goes up.
It makes me feel ill. I'm not sure how to handle it sometimes. Any advice before i go watch a movie or something til i sleep?
I feel so connected yet still so alone, because in making my point about the importance of harmony between both polarities, male and female, yin and yang, i suspect I've been misunderstood by many. And I'm not sure how to fix it :(
All i want to do is sit at the table and help two great peoples find peace some day, and I've no lady by my side to temper my frustration and my overly gullible compassion. Do i have to hold my vows forever before i understand all of this?
I know god walks by my side, but sometimes i still feel alone. I am sorry for my weakness, but in the spirit of this event, i decided open honesty was the best policy.
I wouldn't even mind being poor if i could just travel the world enough to find that ONE right girl. The kind of woman that would understand how i think, and maybe even want to discuss crazy theories long into the nights on occasion.
Is it wrong to want that, on cold nights? Am i supposed to be so hardened that i can know no love here but in my mind and soul and spirit? If so, why does feeling this feeling so deep that all is one family so wrong in this world? I can't tell whether to laugh or cry sometimes, so sometimes i just do neither.
These are my guilty shameful thoughts sometimes. That no matter how hard i try to rise above the flesh I'm still stuck here, only human, unable to save anyone but myself. I wanted so bad to find a way to restore the gardens to this planet so we could freely eat and live and learn and grow together that i would have died to achieve it, if only for the hope that i could still somehow see it from beyond the grave.
But sometimes my doubt makes that garden in my dreams wither to me, and that makes me sad.
Hold that garden vision. You brought it with you. And you've been far more effective than you will ever know -- down here.
Oh, don't worry about me. I used what i know about bi-polar to transmute the experience into something positive. See, i just learned something. I feel better already.
Thanks for listening though :)
You answered some of your own questions, sometimes it's good to vent.For everything there is a season. I like that quote, and it is so true. All will be well my friend, and of course you can see from beyond the grave...lol. But you knew this. You will find your woman one day, just remember to be yourself. If someone does not want you for who and what you are, then you don't need that person in your life. Live, Love, Laugh and Allow.
Here here. I quite agree.
Thanks for the perspective. It helps with a few things :)
I realized I've grown accustomed to dismissing people as unaware if they put up a fear wall based on my appearance. As one who has spent a lot of time contemplating death and the afterlife and god and everything, i know deep down that only a trusting, unafraid woman would be able to understand why i do what i do for positive results.
The ways that a shaman or other spiritual person mentally faces their inner darkness to conquer it are just so unknown in the west. The very concept of traveling through time and space to heal every aspect of yourself just confuses some people as well, but to me it just completes the whole picture.
The trust of it, to hold out a hand from the past and the future to repair now is staggering. To put their lives on the line to give ourselves a second chance, a second roll of the dice.
I honestly almost drowned that day in the pool when i was a child and met god. Since then, i can't tell what's real or illusion. I may as well be in the tibetan book of the dead bardo's. My whole life has been the strangest ride. Now here i am, from the end back to the beginning, and i still question what's real. I'm changed. I think or watch something and the world changes. I may be dead, and this whole thing is god judging my potential.
I don't know. I don't know.
And in the end, i got the ride of my life, and tomorrow, it may end, or it may repeat again, but either way I'm using any energy i get to live every day like it matters. Because it does.
They never broke me, and now i can enjoy this world as the garden of natural beauty it is. Almost free of physical desires, but also free to love everything.
The reason is simple distrust due to the disparity that your being causes when interacting with theirs.
The same reason why light suddenly cast into a dark room blinds those who have spent an eternity in that room.
You are too bright my friend. Earth is too dark to for that kind of approach. At least in some/many places.
You have to read your environment and the people you are with. It's definitely not the same everywhere, you quickly learn that when traveling and living in many places. So somewhere else, on another continent, there might be a group of people who will not at all have any problem with your approach, and even expect it. Realistically, you might not even have to go that far, you could probably find people like that in your city/country if you went about actively pursuing this path.
Everyone here is very aware how twisted upside down our western society has become, it's on a downward spiral, so the fact that those still unawakened are merely acting out the programs they've been programmed with - yeah expect to come up against that with your wide open eyes. Even if you are not seeking to confront, it will be cast at you, to test you.
Mind you, there are places that are far more honest and straight forward, painfully so, so much so that coming from our western background you are taken aback how straight forward things can be and use to be. In our society we enjoy playing power games, ego games and all these unhealthy cultural practices taken as completely normal. Is it any wonder that people do not know what they really need any more in the light of such overwhelming distraction.
Maybe i should move to the east for a while if i can afford it, then come back home and take up some role that can bridge the gap?
That may benefit our mutual survival.
Awesome! Thank you thank you thank you!
Well let's face it, alot of guys do want to get in girls pants, most of the time lol These girls are probably so used to it, they think that whenever a guy is nice to them, he must be trying to get in their pants. Just keep being yourself, and being friendly, eventually you'll find the right people to be friends with, and maybe have a real relationship. I'm lucky I don't really have this problem....either girls completely ignore me, or they get all giggly and gitty with me lol I'm pretty friendly most of the time, and I wouldn't change that, just to make girls feel like I'm not like other guys. Again, eventually, you'll find someone who's proper and doesn't have these kind of ideas.
Thanks John. Thanks everyone. I appreciate the viewpoints as i always learn from them. I more wanted to vent, to see how far it would roll, and to get it off my chest and start the process for people.
I would suggest you keep your personal details on the internet private though.
Eh it doesn't matter to me. I'm open...I'm real...if someone wants to hurt me...go ahead and try lol