You cannot change or control your emotions. You can learn how to be with them, living peacefully with them, transmuting them (which means releasing them), and you can manage them, but you cannot control them.
Think of the people who go along day after day seeming to function normally, and all of a sudden they will explode in anger at something that seems relatively trivial and harmless. That is one sign of someone who is trying to control or repress their emotions but their repressed emotions are leaking out.
The more anyone tries to control their emotions the more they resist control, and the more frightened people eventually become at what is seen to be a “loss of emotional control”. It is a vicious circle.
It’s important today to be politically correct. And that means not challenging or disagreeing with what the average person believes. It means not expressing negative emotions in public. Showing emotion in public in North American and European societies represents being “out of control” a great sign of weakness. People feel uncomfortable with those who express strong emotions. We are a society that is taught to hide our emotions, to be ashamed of them or to be afraid of them. Regardless, we are born with them and must live with them. This means learning how to know them, be with them, and release them.
Emotional abuse is just as violent and serious as physical abuse but is often ignored or minimized because physical violence is absent. Emotional Abuse can include any or all of the following elements. It can include rejection of the person or their value or worth. Degrading an individual in any way is emotionally abusive, involving ridiculing, humiliating and insulting behavior.
It takes a lot of energy to keep emotions repressed and buried. If you keep emotions buried for a long period of time, you lower your overall vibrations, and lower vibrations lead to illness and an accelerated ageing process. Buried emotions create fatigue and depression. The following are some major symptoms of buried and repressed emotions:
In human experience one of the most common vents for suppressions of energy is to project it outside ourselves. We typically blame someone or something outside ourselves as a way to escape experiencing the hot contents of our own unfelt energies. By learning a specific model for taking responsibility for and accepting ownership of the emotional energies deep within – without judgment nor blaming anything or anyone else nor ourselves – we allow ourselves, or become willing to feel these energies. Further suppressing and keeping our emotions “under control” drains physical and emotional energy and can limit worthwhile daily activity. Most people are only vaguely aware that they carry what can amount to quite a heavy burden around and fewer still have any understanding that it is possible to release and resolve this toxic emotional accumulation.
Modern physics tells us that mass become energy as energy becomes mass. Though emotional energy forms the most subtle stuff, it is stuff nonetheless. If you hold enough of this stuff inside you, then you become energetically "stuffed up," which carries the same implications as a stuffed nose, stuffed colon, stuffed arteries, or even owning too much stuff.
Energy moves within the body in regular currents and beyond the body in radiant fields. As emotional suppression becomes an unconscious habit and emotional energy becomes stuffed inside, the free movement of vital energy gradually degrades. Think of a wide rushing river into which one daily throws several large stones. Over the course of a lifetime the river becomes clogged, diminished, and sluggish. Likewise, over the course of a human lifetime the habitual suppression of emotional energy clogs and diminishes the once-rushing river of light.
One technique profoundly effective is a process of consciously and intentionally releasing emotions as they arise - a technique developed by Lester Levenson.
In essence, Levenson found that people have three usual ways of handling a feeling:
But there is another option for handling a feeling - you can focus on it, fully experience it, and then let go of it: release it, discharge it.
This is the healthiest way to handle a feeling that is consuming us. We've all had the experience of being in the midst of an emotional explosion and then suddenly began to laugh at ourselves, realizing how silly or inappropriate or useless our behavior is. In other words we became conscious.
Typical feelings include the following:
Note: the last three are positive feelings - it is important to release on even very good feelings such as serenity, love and enthusiasm, for driving these feelings are sometimes hidden and compulsive needs and desires. When you release these good feelings you feel a physical and emotional release, just as when you release negative feelings. What lies behind the emotion is something even better, an imperturbable serenity, the Higher Self.
Releasing energy from these pent-up emotions gives you a sense of freedom and satisfaction that another piece of “baggage” is gone out of your life forever. Releasing energy from suppressed emotions will allow you to move forward with your life, and it’s true—negative emotions will always come into your life, but it’s up to you to face them...recognize them for what they are...then release them.
The Release Procedure
Step One: Locate. First think of some problem area in life - something that is of great urgency and concern. It may be a relationship with a loved one, a parent or child; it might be your job, health or fears. Or it might simply be the feeling that you are experiencing now.
Step Two: Identify your feeling. Determine your feeling about the problem area, or the current feeling. What word comes to mind? If necessary examine the previous list of feelings as a reminder. Check on the list also to determine the primary nature of the feeling - for example, if you perform your releasing operation on fear, rather than hesitance or worry, you will find the results are much more dramatic and powerful.
Step Three: Focus. What do you really feel? Open yourself up, become aware of the physical sensations attached to the feeling and focus on them.
Step Four: Feel your feeling. Deliberately create it. Let your feeling inhabit your entire body and mind. If the feeling is a grief feeling, you may break into tears; if it is anger, you may feel your blood begin to boil. That's good - now is the time to feel the feeling.
Step Five: Individuate. Become aware of the difference between your Self - YOU - and what that Self is FEELING. When the feeling is fully experienced and accepted, there will at some point be a clear sensation that your feeling is not you, so it would be possible to let go of the feeling.
If you do not feel that it is possible to let the feeling go, feel it some more. Sooner or later you will reach a point where you can truthfully answer: "Yes, I could let this feeling go".
Step Six: Learn the lesson. Spot the underlying thought, assumption, decision or intention, and how it has been driving your emotions. See now how rational it is in interpreting your current circumstances, even though it may have seemed appropriate in the past. What do you learn from this?
The most vital aspect of this process is the learning of life lessons. Unless you recognize what you are to learn from your negative emotions, they will not release permanently, because they will have to regenerate again until the lesson is learned once and for all. After all, the very nature of negative emotions is a message to you -- letting you know that something needs to be learned.
Circumstances create themselves in order to bring an opportunity into your life for the specific purpose of teaching you a valuable positive learning. When you don't recognize the situation as an opportunity to learn, another situation will be created. And it will continue to be re-created until the lesson is learned.
Step Seven: Release. When will you let this feeling go? Sooner or later you will be able to answer: "I am willing to let this feeling go now". So let the feeling go, simply release it, if you haven't done so spontaneously. It feels good to let it go - all the built-up energy that has been held in the body is released. There is a sudden decrease in physical and nervous tension. You will feel more relaxed, calm, centered.
Step Eight: Check. Do you still have any of the feeling? If some of it is still there then go through the procedure again. Often releasing is like a well - you release some and then more arises. Some of our pent-up emotions are so deep that they require a number of releases.
After you have learned to release emotions with the Release technique, with plenty of practice you will become familiar with obtaining the "witness view" of your thoughts and feelings - you will be less identified with them. This makes it easier to release spontaneously, in real-time - new painful emotions never get suppressed but are fully experienced, dis-identified with and let go of straight away. Simply becoming aware of a feeling is enough to trigger a natural, spontaneous release, and you will carry this ability over into your everyday life, resulting in a stress-free mind and body.
... ;) Hi Delilah ... how are you?
this was send to me by my friend: lots of excerpts from different ‘writers’ (not sure) … I guess he just put some key aspects to recognize the ‘challenge’ …
Heyy Ara - feeling pretty great today, hope you are great as well :)
Emotional processing is very challenging, I have dealt with all kinds of suppressed emotions, and feel like I've been able to do a good amount of processing and releasing. I think we project so much out into this world based on the many emotional things we've experienced. And those experiences can empower us, or sometimes potentially destroy us depending on what we choose to do with them.
This article is so needed in times like these, we are going through so much!
Glad to hear that you are OK ... ;)
life feels like an amusement park and we are riding a roller-coaster of our life ... hope everybody have fasten their seat belt ... ;)
We all have those 'feeling' ... And it’s a perfect site to be able to acknowledge it (lots of different people), well it should be anyway; I just wish that verbalization would be a bit different for everybody with a little consideration for the receiving end … ;) words travel fast, thoughts even faster, and intention behind them can kill.
Thanks Andy ... ;)
Love what you said here Rajnish ~
Thanks Raj ... ;)
I cannot agree with you more Rajinish...well said indeed. I think that is why we incarnate and choose difficult and sometimes heartbreaking situations into our lives, to grow and to heal. I know the worst things I have experienced and the most most heartbreaking situations I have been in have helped me grow the most.
Awesome post Ara...really got a lot out of it.
Hey, Delilah, you look so much better without your pigtails.
It's never good to suppress or repress anything, especially feelings. I learned that a long time ago, you mays well just be real about things, and not pretend, or put on a mask, or hide and cover up what you're really thinking or feeling, even if it's distorted or not politically correct. I learned to let it flow and let it go...if I make a mistake, I'll eat the cake....if I get burned, then I'll learn. It's better than not being real and guarding yourself and being so self conscious and trying to only say and be what you feel is acceptable. At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself, or what's the point.
live + learn = life ... ;)