you all have helped to save my life
Replies are closed for this discussion.
Copy your text when done, hit reply, then reopen reply and paste your text and save... ya it sucks but for now it works.
thankyou for the link
I can see some really heart-felt messages here, like the ones by sirgalahadwizard, to name, but one person.
I can sense a real concern and care from many of the others that have posted here, too, and although they may be a hundred miles away, or more, the collective concern is monumentous.
Many people who have posted here are genuinely trying to help you, as you asked. Though I do understand that they are not tangible, in sight and there to throw their arms around you and tell you, in person, that they will be there for you for always, and they will never turn their back on you. And stick to that!
I understand your concerns that you feel you have no one, in person, that you can trust, that will not, one day, turn their back on you, or back-stab you, deceitfully break your trust and wipe the floor with your loyalty and sensitive emotions! I have been there! I have had that kind of behaviour wipe the floor with my loyalty and emotions, time and time again!
What I did learn, is, that through dark times, I am my only friend in which I can truly place my trust! I am my only friend who can confirm my strength. I am my only friend who can empathise with my feelings. I am my only friend who can truly know, and understand my inner-most feelings/desires/fears, and forgive me for them. But I am my only friend, too, who is the most harsh, severely critical and punishing!
In my experience, through times of darkness, it is good to have not-so-familiar acquaintances to be able to pour my head out to. They give alternate perspectives. And though they may not fully understand the exact ins-and-outs, they have open hearts to listen and open minds to consider what type of advice they feel necessary to give. Whether they truly care, or not, is not really the issue, it is the pure fact that they are offering you the advice that you asked! They are offering you personal accounts of similar times of darkness/desperation/self-destruction, at their own will! They are taking the time to even post here!
So the fact that they are not there in tangible sight/touch, does not mean that they can't offer what it is you require! They are here in mind and spirit, and here to show you love/care/concern/help, the latter being that of which you ask.
You replied to me, yesterday, saying that you weren't looking for a friend. And thanked me for my offer.
You have replied to many people, here, in this discussion, who have taken the time and care to offer their support and advice, in ways to which it seems you are ungrateful to them attempting to fulfill your request of help! And then you type that it is not people in a discussion on the net that you need, and that you need a real live person, in which you can trust, and have confidence in their loyalty that they wont stab you in the back!
What exactly is it that you require through coming on a social network, and asking for the help of people? What actually is the kind of help you require?
Can any of these people really give you the advice that you require?
Can you look deep inside and find this advice in yourself?
Can these people help you to do any of the things with which you need to be able to get up out of a very dark hole and help yourself?
I would say so, with the many varied responses you have inspired in these people! But that is just my opinion, and my response. I am not you, and I can only speak for myself. I can only offer what is inspired in me, by your request, in this discussion, and the responses of a lot of people and the time and care they have taken to actually respond!
I truly do hope that, on this different day, you feel different and your mind isn't so dangerously close to absolute self-destruct!
you must have learned well in school, this block of text is like an english report. thanks for sharing and all that im actually very taken aback to the volume of a response i have recieved. I don't really empathise with a lot of it and i think the internet is a great place for people to throw thier two cents around and that can get in the way.
I did recieve the help i wanted however, which came in the form of resource links and heartfelt advice and condolences.
As to your questions about why im on this network, its a place of sanctuary and reflection for me at the moment because im in a very long recovery/healing process. This discussion wasnt started on a whim or because AC came up in google or anything. Ive been communing with spirit and channeling aliens since I was a very small child and have been involved with fighting evil for much longer so this network is a place for me to share, reminisce, learn and to meet new people. I also chose a very short title and body for this discussion because i knew it would illicit the type of help i was after without personalising what for me is a very large issue.
you'll find a lot of people on this network are here because they need to share thier experiences that are more suited to amnesty international or the united nations than a disclosure network and that is why you may find some not as forthcoming or willing to share experience but are only looking for a generalised sense of spirituality and fraternity. Please understand im not accusing you of naievity only responding with what i think will help you understand your questions. namaste
People who decide to step out are not selfish at all, they are just in too much pain. The pain is so intense that you are willing to smash you fists into the wall untill the bones break, so that the physic pain gets worse than the emotional pain.
People do not decide to go to the other side out of luxury, they leave because they cannot fight the pain anymore.
The only thing that stopped me was that I knew that you have to come back again in worse circumstances untill you learn to love life.
thanks for the response Kiara, i thought you had left this network and i missed you already. I created this discussion to make tangible and vulnerable something which is intangible and terrifying. Ive never been good at therapy so i started on my own. This is one of the steps, like calling a parent to turn the light on when you hear monsters. Being afraid as an adult is like being a child alone in the dark, the monsters are still invisible but thier made of the crummy things people do instead of childrens fantasies
I've been through several phases of pure desperation, too.
What finally did rescue my life was antidepressant medication - nothing else worked for me. Clomipramine is very effective in lifting mood and has not too strong side effects. It helps good against anxiety as and sleep disorders as well.
"Dei Eif ILLUME" sounds like you want to tell us something with your nickname... I'm not sure if my assumptions are right but if they are than consider the following:
It does not matter where you come from - but where you intend to go to!
I have a good friend who in once was Illuminati, but than left them for being betrayed by his "buisness partner" (and probably for other important reasons as well). Today he his an very honorable person in my eyes and has done many good deeds that even I can look up to! Therefore I say: It is possible even for those to change for the better...