I'm putting this out to you all as my 13 year old daughter is having the toughest time in school. She's a pretty, clever girl with the world at her feet. Her only issue is her lack of self belief and the lack of being able to love herself for who she is. She gets so much attention and seems to take on board the negative comments from mean children that pick on your weaknesses or are just simply jealous. The only issue is they are winning at the moment and Caitlin's confidence is really slipping in front of my eyes and no matter what I do or say she can't seem to stop believing them. Anyone have any ideas at how I can help her break this belief that she's 'disgusting and not good enough?' It's so hard as a parent seeing this happen when she has always been so upbeat and positive. Any advice or tips from successful stories on how to help this would be greatly appreciated :'(
I know there's nothing wrong with her but when your child tells you every day how much they hate the way they are, and when they are at the hands of bullies without knowing how to cope with spiteful and nasty comments it's very hard to just let it be. We talk all the time and I fully understand her but watching her allow others to effect her so deeply with nasty words is a bit much on times. I have read all about the Indigo's and crystal children years ago and understand all about them, this is about helping these special children cope in a world where people can still be very cruel is what I need tips on. Thank you for your response Love Lou.
Get her to write out on a piece of paper - all her good qualities. She needs to see and recognise these within herself.
For instance... does she have empathy or compassion? Or care about other's? Then if she writes these good qualities down, eventually her self esteem will rise more.
She could add something new everyday about herself, until her self esteem is adjusted to a healthy level. She will then feel a self-love regardless of how she looks.
A good idea Butterfly as she has all these qualities and more. She has always been beautifully natured and cares loads. It's just so sad when others clearly see any weaknesses we have and use them in a negative way. I will try this with her as I can tell her until i'm blue in the face she's beautiful within and without, hopefully if she writes them down herself she will believe it more. Thanks Butterfly :)
1kinesiology is a good modality to shift energy and emotion. if cost is an issue there are typically student clinics that can be accessed for bugger all.cant recommend it highly enough . very empowering and can seem magical and so alluring to a teen
2a story in my life in brief is ....i know how you feel . i felt that way too when my daughter was having a hard time at school. the solution in my case was to dsiconnect my pain about that and my memory of similar. when i detached, she found her way herself.she ended up doing very well at school and being socially adept on her own terms
3 they remember the other kids , but this message is less powerful than yours mum. she will remember your love as strength and grounding. your words have power and will ultimtely win through
it is beautiful to have a daughter
Thank you I know a good lady that practices this think I shall contact her today about it.:) It is aweful when they go through this but today I just feel her emotions more strongly. I will try to disconnect again and she's keeping her grades up bless her she tries so hard. Thanks Hunter for your kind words and suggestions feeling that emotional it brought tears to my eyes, and yes it's beautiful having a daughter. I am thankful every day for my three <3
Hi Louise - sending you all lots of love and hugs!! Sorry to hear about Caitlan. I have just gone thru this with my son James. He has autism (not the severe type) - but was bullied over a period of two months. My partner and myself had a meeting with the school and met the student liaison officer and head of year and also the special needs contact. We are also putting him in connection with the pastor at the school. James had held alot back (thought he could deal with it) - when we sensed something wasn't right and the anxiety, headaches and lack of sleep symptoms appeared, it did take a while to put all the pieces of the puzzles together. I have found if you give your child lots of encouragement, love and help keep the communication lines open - it really helps to sort the matter out. James does misinterpret social p's & q's and it is a continual thing to watch and support him. We love him dearly and are blessed with him. His self esteem was pretty low recently - but reassurance that he had support both at home (a united front and at the school) and the issue was faced and dealt with. Today he came home and told us the "problem kid" who was bullying him had apologized for his behaviour recently. That was good for all concerned, but it does require yourselves and the school your child attend to keep those channels of communication open and have points of contact when things go crazy. I also sat down with James and spoke about love and we wrote down some affirmations for him to keep when he is down and out or feeling alittle lost. I hope you also can sit down and discuss with your daughter what is happening and find your own solutions to the issue - but as a mum, I have found that giving your child love and keeping those communication channels open do help. If the hormones are kicking in and boys and relationships are something she is trying to work out, there are heaps of books and resources out there that could also help. Another thought is that if she is finding it hard to communicate to you, another relative, friend or counsellor might be a good port of call. Good luck to you both and I hope your issue is sorted out soon - love and hugs Gailene xxoo
Hi Gailene I have been to the school and sorted the main bullying she went through. As for love support and encouragement she receives loads at home and within the family. She still dances for competions and sings with a teacher, it's like us she has hit a point in her ascension where she is being forced to look at why she takes what the odd people say on board and allows it to effect her. It's deep seated emotions now and healing crisis's I think. Whilst she can not take what the odd person says and learn to disregard it it's always going to effect her. At the moment it's the world in which we live. There is no direct bullying now this is the odd boy and things and the low self esteem. The hormones are peaking within her at the moment which she feels and dislikes too. Just hope and pray she picks up and starts to believe how loved and beautiful she really is. These affirmations you mention I shall try as communication between us is great we're all good at discussing things with each other, at home she's great.
Hi Louise - it is hard isn't it when kids are developing etc.,. Well the only think that pops in my mind is a Counsellor who can help her thru this - I was thinking maybe someone she does not know who can show her that she is okay and is capable with anything and can help her build up her self esteem etc., I had this thought that maybe she would take notice or snap out of whatever she is in via a stranger - it would also "enforce what you are also doing etc., as a fantastic mum you sound and supportive family unit" it is all I can think of at the moment. If I think of anything else I'll jot down a line to you. Good luck and try not too worry too much - I know that as a mum, sometimes you want to wrap them up in cotton wool and protect them, but sometimes you just have to sit back and let things happen or develop so they can learn their life lessons......cheers and love and hugs - hope this helps you out - Gailene xxoo
It's all a great help thanks and she starts seeing an art psychotherapist tonight it's a free course for 8 weeks that helps them express their emotion through art. I was talking to the school nurse who's great and she put Caitlin forward, and Caitlins right up for it so fingers crossed it will have a good positive effect. Sounds good. She will snap out of it i'm sure she's showing more signs of coming back to herself but then theres the odd day someone might say something and she slips but there's defo more positive now showing through, but yes like you say cotton wool if only I could ;) xx
Hi Kel, thanks I do tell her what it's like and that people that pick like this are just jealous she will realise this and on a good day seems to. It just sucks when they are 13 and finding it tough. I know it will calm down it's just quite a ride trying to help steer them through the rough times you wish as a parent you could do it for them. If only :) xxx
13 can be a rough age, I think once you get past the 15 mark things start to change for the better. I would just advise that she hang in there, and keep supporting her in a positive manner... :)
Sometimes we can be our own worst critics, and it takes experience to learn that you have to have confidence in yourself and compassion for yourself. I think we also need to relay the message of strength to younger kids these days, but even in the 80's and 90's you had to be that way, so not much has changed. :-)
People generally attack what is awesome, and my absolute best advice is to stay true to yourself, and be the example you want to see in others, because some people will treat you bad, and come back years later, and apologize because they realized how wrong it was, because you kept it real and stayed true to yourself.
That's the best advice I think I can give right now Louise :)
It's great advise Delilah and yes by 15 my eldest was far happier than at 13 she had it on and off too but Caitlin is the one that seems to take the comments in more deeply what she doesn't quite get is the boys that make comments are usually the ones that quite fancy her and as they can't show this they show it in a pretty bad way instead. Another thing Annabelle realised as she got older as the ones that did tease her are now asking her out. Any girls that were bitchy were simply insecure themselves and jealous. Thanks for commenting <3