The essence of love is to communicate herself by planting herself in every part of that which has come into Being.
There is actually no part in Being which not is affected by love.
Emerging from the Ground of Being into Being we call existence (existere latin = to step forward).
Thus the Ground of Being allows existence from love, and love is the reason existence has form and will.
By form any existence represents itself to other existences.
By will any existence reveals itself as communicating one.
Love declares any existence both, distinguished and part of all that exists by form and will flowing between all that exists.
Our forefathers took the image of the Triune God and it`s communicatio idiomatum (comminication of properties within the triune nature of God) explaining the flow of love in different aspects of divine nature; this was in fact a possible explanation with help of greek philosophy in the 2. and 3. century after Christ.
It is actually enough knowing, that love is the thrive of all that has emerged into Being by exposing form and will to communicate.
Now it should be clear, that such force like love is a living creature and thriving super physical phenomenon, which can not be put in a dungeoun or jail.
If so, it would unfold unbelievable destructive effects - it would destroy all that is from it`s existence and turn it into a burden.
Destructive love has lost channels of communication and has turned form into disappearance - representative form has turned into oblivion.
Thus destructive love does not represent unity anymore but loneliness and desparation - it has become self-annihilating.
Any preliminarily Self-Service is self-annihilating and thus destructing love from it`s essence.
Actually self-annihilating love is not good nor bad - it simply ends herself making place for thriving love as it is supposed to be.
Addiction to destructive love thus is finally not against love at all, but against the thrive of love - it is doomed to disappear.
Love herself will lead it to an end while looking for another try exposing herself in nondestructive ways.
Love is the one exceeding every time if necessary - this is the essence of patience.
Patient love will always find herself flowing in each part of Being - ending destruction and Self-Service by always looking for new tries.
We all go through all stages of different love perceptions, and maybe we used to go through different lives. Never mind. By looking that deep we can surely assume all is finally fine as it is supposed to be. There is really no need forcing love in any way by whatever insight.
If you are destructive, hold on and see where it will lead you. If you can let go, let it go. If you are restless, try to change it and see if it works fine.
But best way is understanding ways and essence of love. It will reveal much nonsense we have believed in. And much fun seeing her generous work.
Yes, love is a generous being...