Ive just learned another lesson, in giving my power away to another.
I fell into the trap, of too much heart based thinking, and it sucked me in like a complete sucker.
Then i relented and rebelled, then started thinking again, with my heart and fell headlong into the tumbling black hole of suckerdom!
Wow, what a journey, all in the space of a few hours.
At first, when i realised, i berated myself, hated myself, shamed and judged myself for it, now i understand the lesson, i still have some way to go, and hopefully, will not be fooled as easily next time.
How can we learn to stay in our own power, without getting too sucked in?
I think that is the whole point right now!
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I have fallen into the trap quite a few times myself because I pretty much a truly forgiving nature and put things behind me perhaps too quickly and then I recieve a knockout punch, leaving me reeling and more than astonished that I let my forgiveness overpower my logical brain that is there to protect me.
What I now do is still feel forgiving but do not dive into the water, I take a wait and see position from a distance, and wait till the ripples in the water all are gone. It is ok to be forgiving and loving as long as you do not lose sight of the love for the self and the concept that it is not ok for someone to knowingly manipulate and use your forgiving good nature against you, and to protect yourself just as you would protect anyone you love. I often used to forget that, and living with an abusive spouse, that lesson should always be at the forefront of your mind. I always forgave the abuse because I truly loved the person, but I forgot to love myself as well. It was not until I learned that I had to love myself first before thinking of loving someone else, that I began to break free of the abuse. I went to work one day and just never went home. It gave my ex spouse the emotional growth he needed to see the error of the ways and the harm he had caused me and our relationship. He and I are now dear friends and he said by finally loving myself to break free was the best thing I had ever done because he always had felt guilty after he had harmed me but because I stuck around he somehow justified his behavior was caused by me. He finally realized that he needed help, and if I had not loved myself enough to leave he would still be in that vicious cycle and most likely I would be dead. He told me he was so glad that I finally loved myself enough to walk away.
So I think Kelly that the key to not get manipulated and used is to love yourself first and foremost and watch and wait before dealing with the person. Time tends to reinforce thinking realistically much better than acting without thinking of what could happen and just reacting completely from the heart. I think we were given a brain for our own protection so using it is a good thing in protecting oneself from harm.
to learn what is your own power and the other ones power you need to feel it both.
Iam studying this for many years now! Am getting there :)
We realy need to know what our own energy is so you can reconize if you go over the border and someone can 'suck' from you. Or we need to stop 'sucking' energy from others ourself so the other one can not do it to us..
i think we've all fallen into that trap some way or another... trusting people... and then they do a 180 degree flip and let us down... it can make us more cynical and guarded,
when this happens its important to forgive oneself because we didnt see it would happen... sometimes shi* happens as they say! ;)
It's a painful lesson but when we suffer enough, we say 'I've had enough of this!' So it teaches us to start developing good boundaries.
The key is to be armed with good boundaries and protecting yourself by knowing 1. what you DO want, and 2. what you DON'T want. If people are manipulating you, then recognise straight away that you DON'T want that, and decide whether you want to give them your good energies or not.
If you are still berating and hating yourself for your mistakes, you still have more self love to learn. One very effective way to get self love happening, is write down on a piece of paper - 3 columns. Then write down words in the columns that you love about yourself. Then stick it on the fridge and add a new one everyday - when you get up in the morning and think of something new your life, write it down. Understand too that as children we sought love from our parents, and they may have had their dysfunction. Look back on your childhood and love the child you were instead of looking for it from them. (This was life-changing for me when I did this).
This is very very powerful and will help to raise your self esteem to a balanced one, where you can then love yourself enough that you protect yourself in a way you can still be grounded and gentle, but free enough to say 'no I don't want to be involved with this person'.
Another good phrase I came up to protect myself (as i used to let people take advantage of me) - was - "I owe nobody anything!" Because I love myself, I choose who to give my energies to, not people who will abuse me when I'm kind to them.
Wonderful adviceButterfly. I could have used this idea of putting down positive things on pape about myself years ago. Sometimes when you are being abused or manipulated you lose sight of who you really are and all your goodnesses, and begin to believe the abuser and see yourself as all the flaws that you are being berated with. That is how manipulative and abusive people get a hook into you, you start believing that you are no good and that the abuse you receive is somehow your own fault or that you deserve it. When you get to that point, you are wide open to being used and manipulated, which is so very bad for the abuser and the abusee alike....One should never let abuse or being manipulated by people who know your forgiving nature and used against you, and if abuse should happen that person should walk or run to the nearest exit. And you should never give your power to anyone, no matter how manipulative they are. NEVER! Hard lesson to learn.